Posts

302 - A God, Revitalising

Lin Somehow, despite being on my period, my energy levels actually feel as though they're increasing. My restricted eating isn't helping. However, I still have some reservations about how far I need to go in order to catch up with the rest of the blog. Perhaps I need to change my attitude towards it - because whilst I enjoy writing it, I also often find myself seeing routines as chores after a while, no matter how much I enjoy them . It doesn't help that the voldys were always on my case about 'being lazy', despite giving me no adequate rest after forcing me to be their live in servant. For people who described themselves as fair, their methods of torturing me were wholly unjust. Truthfully, I want to do better now - to write about my experiences again, just like I did in Breizh and on Mannin - and prove to myself that I'm still capable of doing it. And this wanting to do better stands among many things I actually want to do. I will do better. On the subject of
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301 - A God, Full Stop.

Lin It's far too hot right now. Despite my air conditioner being on right now, I'm sweating. Ya, I'm underneath my throw blanket, but I need said blanket in order to stay grounded. Hopefully the heat will subside soon. Besides that, today has been rather peaceful. My change in reiki practitioners has definitely helped me feel better, but I'm also frustrated about a number of things that I feel I am out of practice with or want to practise - including both my writing and my music.  
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300 - A God, Shedding

Lin Over the past few weeks, my energy has felt really low, both physically and mentally. But especially mentally. Physically, it's started to become worse, particularly after switching between distance reiki healers I use on YouTube. Yet something tells me that with this change, I'm shedding energy, like an old skin - just like I would in my Gorgon form, shedding snake skin from my hair every now and again . As they like to say... "Out with the old, in with the new." Take today, for example, when some people came over to clear up the house's greenery, which was long overgrown - that had to be pruned in order to make way for the new. I'm considering asking my caseworker about the kinds of flowers we could put in our garden - though they would need maintenance.
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299 - A God, Busy

Lin My day was far busier than I expected. A phone call with my MIND advocate and a call with a caseworker from the housing association, as well as two visits from the police have definitely taken it out of me. Frankly, I'm surprised at my own tenacity. But also very, very tired.
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298 - A God, Brighter

Lin Today was a lucky day. I managed to get my weight and height checked, and managed to get my blood test done all in one session. What's more, is I didn't need my caseworker there. My nurse was really sweet, and got me through it. Ramona decided to reveal themself as well. Both a protector and a caretaker, they help us to keep calm and moderate our anxiety in stressful situations, which is a boon to all of us as a system. Due to this, I feel I can now focus on better days. On better things - like finding my family - and Terrence. And whilst it's been hard to complete my entries recently, somehow, I know I'll come back to them eventually. Soon enough, I'll step into a brighter present. I just know it.
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297 - A God, Lonely

Lin I've felt quite alone lately. Fighting to have my needs and wants heard and responded to has almost made me lose all hope . Perhaps I may never leave this house, and I may need to be willing to accept that. Even though living here is causing me to suffer, I have to survive, no matter what. Truthfully, I've been frustrated about it for a while. But I didn't write it on the blog, because I haven't exactly been able to write properly for a while - that and I often worry about what I say, sing or write turning out to be self fulfilling prophecies, as opposed to just being unfounded claims.
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296 - A God, Pushing

Lin The level of frustrated I'm at is immeasurable. I've been pushing for so long to move out of here, and yet despite how urgent my situation is, it feels like it's all falling on deaf ears. Frankly, it almost feels as though I'll never get the chance to move out of here. Which whilst I know it is most likely untrue, I'm close to losing my mind if I stay here any longer.  
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