186 - A God, Eloquent

Lin

Today has been an advent of unimaginable pain.

Currently I am awaiting the second ambulance I've needed this week.

I've been left to go alone yet again, so I ended up calling social services.

Last time I got dismissed when I definitely should not have been.

Honestly, I aim to stay overnight this time.

Mainly because then it's more likely that I can get straight onto treatment, but also it means that I can worry about my way home in the morning, as opposed to during the late hours.

From what I can see, A&E have decided to put me in the clinical decision ward.

Which means that they don't know whether to prioritise my back and abdominal pain, or my mental health.

The ambulance crew gave me paracetamol, but my body still feels a certain sense of discomfort.

All of my time here thus far has been full of what sounds like angry, shouting male patients. It's kind of funny to think about.

Luckily for me, yet again, I have my seal plushie with me to keep me company.

Even if I don't get any outright physical diagnoses, my mental health should be accounted for.

Being alone isn't ideal whilst I'm here, but in hospital is where I need to be right now.

Especially given my current situation, which has made it very difficult for me to do anything.

Apollo and Hừa Đại came when I called, and they're making sure that I'm safe, because given that I've gone to hospital twice in a week, I probably need it.

Frankly, I'm scared, but this is what I need right now - a good spiritual support system, and the physical and social support systems to match.

And you'll get them.

Apollo is sat at the end of the trolley I'm perched on, smiling placidly, yet sadly.

I know it's been hard.

I feel like I'm going to cry.

It's been more than hard.

He nods.

I figured.

He ruffles my hair.

If there's anything you need, παρακαλώ, feel free to ask.

Ευχαριστώ.

He fidgets with the aglets on my boots.

Παρακαλώ.

So myself and Apollo sit, waiting for someone to see to me and my situation, waiting for a verdict that feels hours away.

Do you think they'll see me?

Apollo nods.

They will. They'll have to.

As I stroke my plushie, I consider just how I got here.

Knowing what I know now, it's mostly because of what bin boy did that I'm at the point I'm at now. Spiritually, it's mostly what he's cursed me with (aside from the thalassaemia, which is separate) that has been ailing me.

Dizziness, a hot flush and pain find me again, and through it, I breathe. The paracetamol has helped, but only so much.

And I've just found out that someone put chlorine in one of our system's waterways, so getting that cleaned will be fun.

Apollo sighs.

Those arseholes.

I have no doubt that bin boy and his friends were behind it.

It wouldn't surprise me.

Do you want revenge?

I nod.

Of course I do.

He smiles.

Then consider an eternal plague bestowed upon him.

I grin.

Physical, mental, spiritual?

He gazes upward for a minute, deep in thought.

All, if you want.

No one messes with my family.

I nod.

Go for it.

He smirks.

Oh, and?

I cast him a questioning look.

If you want to go to Kentish Town tonight, your way will be blessed.

Now, he mentions this a while after I've been discharged again by the mental health team at this hospital.

The evil nurse from Sunday tried to gaslight me about apparently 'threatening' them with my suicide, when it was basically me trying to ask for immediate treatment because I don't trust myself to go home alone without attempting suicide.

Ευχαριστώ.

Παρακαλώ! Say the word, and it's on.

I sigh in relief.

Ενταξει. Let's go.