12 - A God, Trying

Lin

Today feels like a good day to crawl into a hole and hide.

The UC worker's words about my hygiene still ring in my head.

It's not like I've had a choice. I only managed to do the laundry yesterday, so given how much time I would have had to get ready until I needed to be there, a shower or bath wouldn't have been on the cards, especially given that I also need to eat.

Yes, I'm struggling. This is why I've been unemployed for years. I'm not avoiding work, I'm just in no shape to work in the first place.

I'll try not to let it affect me too much. After all, she was saying it in an attempt to help. (It didn't.)

I have bigger fish to fry.

Yesterday, I spoke to my caseworker about the stuff to do with bin boy, and it sounds like I'm being taken seriously.

As I should be. He's a danger to multiple people.

I also met another version of myself in system, who took on most of the ABA trauma. Eleiya is much louder than me, I think.

Then again, I am a sexo-spiritual protector turned front who was forced into silence, so I suppose I would be quieter.

A lot of trauma seems to be coming up at once. It's insane to think about just how much we've been through.

I won't list everything, but there is a lot.

All I can really say is that I'm trying. As I say this, what looks like a throw blanket and a small bronze bear statue appear on the altar.

Auntie!

She's the same aunt that is the last relative I've seen. And she always looks out for me.

I miss her.

Soon, my dear. You'll see.

Trugarez, auntie.

The throw blanket feels like it's been left on a radiator, which is nice. As for the bear statue, I move it to my offering altar in the nemeton, placing a bowl next to it, which I fill with fruit and money.

She's keeping me alive, so I'll keep her alive, too.

Once I'm done, the bowl asports. 

Hopefully that will last a while for her.

As I lie under the throw blanket, I think of Nostradamus, whose prophecies I've been reading recently.

So much of it is a mess, but I can make sense of some of what he's written.

I'm not finished yet, but he speaks much about the Gauls, and I feel that this is not a coincidence.

Trugarez, Nostradamus, for keeping our name alive (barely), when no one else would have done.

I've been looking for any signs of myself or other family members in the text. So far, nothing is certain in his writing.

But I am certain that I will bring about huge, long lasting change. For the better.



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