32 - A God, Self-Aware

Lin

I ended up not being able to go to my doctor's appointment yesterday.

The sensations in my body told me everything I needed to know. 

Even now, when I think about going, my body feels an immense amount of anxiety.

It's still something I need to address.

I'll have to go to the next appointment, whether I like it or not.

Me being able to continue to get money and support from the government whilst I can't work is more important than my panic attacks. Besides, the panic attacks will likely prove my point anyway.

Today I don't have anything to do, but tomorrow I have a Universal Credit appointment.

Hopefully that will go down well, and I'll be able to take a bath or shower beforehand.

For now, I'm going to take a break and look after my own wellbeing.

I may also do another POV TikTok or two, if I feel up to it, but that depends on how good I feel.

Yesterday and ereyesterday really took a lot of energy from me.

Let's hope that this doesn't become an overarching pattern in my life. I don't have agoraphobia or social anxiety, so this shouldn't be a problem for me.

I'm excited to get out of here. It sounds like the LHA are trying to make excuses for not properly paying my Housing Benefit, but I know they'll be brought in to take proper responsibility.

I don't have the money to pay a ridiculous amount like £3000 to the housing association right now, and frankly even if I did, I would be looking at them with much askance. (Unless I won the lottery. In which case I'd probably pay it off immediately, along with my student debt and my overdraft.)

I just looked at the email they sent me, and honestly, it's giving "not willing to take accountability".

Though the previous landlords absolutely do owe the housing association money, and I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to avoid responsibility, too.

In the end, it's not really my problem. I did try to pay some of it, and if it goes badly, I may have to fork out money to pay them with.

It's unlikely unless I somehow get decent business somewhere. If that does happen, I'll be relieved.

I hope that I'm able to bring myself out to have fun again soon.

I ought to. I haven't done hugely fun things for myself in ages, and I deserve it.

When the Poppy concert is on, I'll probably spend a while at White City before I go.

That way I'll stock up on food before the concert begins, and I'll potentially be able to hide food I can bring with me for the return home. Though security may try and throw it away. I'll have to be careful if I do bring food.

There may very well be food places still open when the concert ends, so if anywhere is open and I was unable to sneak food, I'll see what's open.

If worst comes to worst, I'll either go straight home or browse King's Cross. There's almost always something open there.

Either way, I'll make sure I eat well.

As I think this, a small coloured bee pin appears on my altar in the nemeton.

Aristaeos?

Hi lol.

What are you doing here?

Self care check.

If you don't know already, Aristaeos is the God of beekeeping, cheesemaking, honey and food in general.

Hello, internet. Nice to see you all.

It's been a while.

It's been a few thousand years. Apologies for not visiting sooner.

You had your reasons. Most of your crafts have been corrupted in some way, so it's not like you've had a choice.

True. I actually came to ask for some advice as well, given that you know more than anyone about corruption, especially of my trade.

Go on.

First of all, what did you do to prevent yourself from being bugged by food?

I avoided mainstream chains, stuck to mainly organic food and for a while, I was vegan, too.

That makes sense.

Given your trade, the veganism probably isn't viable for you. It wasn't sustainable for me, either.

It's not really viable. Thank you. I also wanted to ask: how did you avoid people outright bugging you deliberately?

For a while, I didn't, because I couldn't, but I figured out the signs of it - usually it'll be people sharing food too readily, and consistently breaching boundaries. Who's bothering you?

I'm not entirely sure, but he's sure playing up the Christmas garb for this time of year.

Maybury.

Oh, when I get my hands on that little dipshit...

I need to know how to fight him.

Start playing Ice Nine Kills, he'll probably throw up the keys to the kingdom. Also, don't let him anywhere near the offices with those greasy hands of his.

How do you know all this?

Unfortunately, experience.

Ah.

Ya.

Well that makes me want to end him even more.

That's one thing we can agree on.

Problem is, how do you spiritually change meanings of things?

Having the keys helps. You'll have to get them cleaned first, though. Once you're able to use them, you can get people to go in and wipe programming with you if you feel you can't do it yourself. Do you still have contacts within the agricultural department?

I do, including your grandmother and great aunt.

Ok, that's good. They can help you.

Thank you ever so much, cousin.

Of course. Stay safe.

And you.

I leave a short sword and block of halloumi on the offering altar.

You'll need these.

Thanks.

With that, his presence is gone.

So now Rickmansworth's nephew wants to play?

Bring it on.