42 - A God, Of Change

Lin

It seems very much like I am sweating out a fever.

My flu symptoms do seem to be rearing their ugly heads, so I'm trying my best to rest.

I ended up watching Captain Marvel, and I realised how much I related to the main character, how much her story was like mine.

The amnesia, being taken from her true home, the powers, even down to the friends she kept... None of it seems like a coincidence. And the music choices were the sort I'd listen to.

It feels like I was being given a sign in and of itself to keep going. That I'm somehow breaking out of the box I was forced into.

I asked for a sign, and I got one.

Even her surname feels like a sign. My Year 9 French teacher had the same surname.

There are too many things lining up there that don't make sense unless they are signs.

I'm going to make changes from here on out. Because I am a God of change. I will carry myself with the belief that I'm telling the truth now.

As my caseworker said, if I was lying, I wouldn't question myself about my memory.

I want to write proper plans for my Christmas story today.

If my symptoms improve, I'll do my best to try writing some chapter summaries - at least three. That way, I can have the layouts done before the 1st. 

Now that I've done some counting, it looks like I'll need to do at least six summaries a day to catch up to the 1st.

But that really depends on how able I am to do that.

I should be able to get most of them done. I'm excited to properly write it. After all, it will probably be my first full novel if I manage to get it finished.

I've always wanted to be a writer.

Then again, I've always wanted to be many things.

You could say that I'm an artist. That's probably why I took on so much responsibility here.

This entry is the 42nd entry of this blog, now that I think about it. 

42 holds a special place in my heart, along with a special person.

I hope that one day, I get to see him again.

Wherever you are, I hope you're doing well.

The nights are getting longer here.

It gets light at nearly 8am, and dark at 4pm. It's alienating.

The seasons changing seem to help me stay in touch with reality.

They are a reminder that I too can change myself and other things when I need or want to.

A potted tree appears on my altar in the nemeton. I take a closer look, and realise that the tree is a miniature willow.

Esus.

He is my cousin, and a fellow psychopomp. I haven't heard from him in a long time, so this is a nice surprise.

Demat, cousin.

Demat. How are you?

I heard you might need a hand with Rickmansworth, among other things. Do you want me to sort out the Gaulish diaspora with regards to your message?

He's being rather forward, but I would appreciate it.

Mar plij.

Great. Whilst I spread the word among the living and the dead, mar plij, do your best to stay alive.

I will. Trugarez.

Of course. 

I place a brass timepiece embedded with sapphires on the offering altar, and it disappears.

You know what that's for.

I do. It is much appreciated.

Do you need anything?

Influence.

Ya, your altar is near empty. Has your Dad paid you a visit?

A few times.

Mat eo din. I'll let everyone else know to do so as well.

Trugarez, cousin.

Of course. I'd like you to be alive long enough to follow your happiness, too. Besides, you and I both know you have unfinished business.

Gwir, I do, much as you yourself are dealing with.

During the campaign to smear my name, Rickmansworth made a damn good point of throwing dirt along my family's names as well. My friends weren't safe either. Anyone and everyone known to associate with me on more than a working relationship level was treated with the utmost contempt by nopeman's regime. Many of my family members almost starved to death as their altars became empty, their followers abandoning them to obscurity and suffering.

That is one very specific thing that neither me nor Esus can forgive.

Nor will we. Ever.

Offerings are what have kept us alive.

Exactly. My mother suffered greatly because of him. She was already ill as it was. 

Erecura, of all people, has never deserved any of it.

I'll make sure she eats well. And so will everyone else.

I appreciate that.

Keep safe, cousin.

And you.

I feel his presence melt away, and as I do, I look out of the altar window to see a large crane staring back at me. I almost jump out of my skin.

Ok uncle, I've got the message! 

I breathe in and out, deeply and slowly, until my shock dissipates.

I'll make room for you too, Tarvos.