53 - A God, Plotting

Lin

I have a risky but awesome idea for my books.

If I can, I want to publish them in all six Celtic languages.

I want to publish them in as many endangered languages as I can, but the Celtic languages hold a special place in my heart, as I know that they have few places to broadcast in terms of popularity and engagement, aside from being a huge part of my own ancestry.

Particularly Breton, Manx and Cornish. They're the languages I'm most worried about, due to their low numbers of speakers and the potential longevity of their populations.

If they have more media in their languages readily available, it could very well help keep their languages alive.

I'll do what I can to keep that heritage alive, so long as they let me.

I'm excited, as this is the most motivated that I've felt in a long time about anything.

It feels especially important that I'm able to translate them, for some reason. Maybe it's because it's my writing, but I can't say for sure.

Right now, I'm actually considering selling my faulty MacBook Pro.

If I could get £150 to £200 from it, then I may not need to starve at all. That, and I'd be covered for meals until at least the 14th almost for sure.

I was considering selling it on eBay, but I got the weird sense not to use my current address there.

Something felt off there, so I closed the tab.

I do think I've disclosed a deal for two subliminals for a good friend of mine, though.

I didn't want to take advantage of them, but I also want to bolster my portfolio, if I possibly can, especially given my situation.

So I spent a while preparing, and I've decided that I'm selling on both my MacBook Pro and my old phone.

My MacBook Pro has tried to kill me several times, and my old phone has been used several times by both the voldys and Rickmansworth to track me. I'd like to avoid experiencing the abuse that comes from those kinds of things again.

Sure, I'll probably end up only getting about £48 from the whole situation if I get anything at all, but it's better than nothing.

It'll ensure that I won't completely starve, and that I may even be able to get more food towards the end of this period in my life.

I am a bit scared, but hopefully I'll get the money I need.

I did input some stuff wrong, so I told them, but they haven't responded to me yet. They will, I'm sure.

As I sit in the nemeton, both Nyx and Erebus on my lap, full from their last meals, I smile.

Maybe I can't eat, but they can. And that will always come first.

Yesterday was quite eventful in that regard. My main caseworker made a point of trawling through the homefinder application with me, so that I can get out of here asap.

It's nice to be taken seriously.

It seems that now, as a result of my panic attacks, as well as what Rickmansworth and starry pants did to me, they actually want me to move somewhere that they know I'll probably feel safe staying at.

They seem to be pushing me towards Brighton, though I am reluctant to give up on getting to Wales before next autumn.

It may end up being very good for me though, as there are multiple LGBTQIA+ groups in the area, and I do have a friend that lives there, which may be a help to me later on.

I don't know for sure, though. We'll have to see what happens. I'll ask for an update next time I see my caseworker.

But I can say, wholeheartedly, that I'm as happy as I can be.

Tired, and hungry, but overall, happy.

I also keep hearing weird screeching recorded voices from what sounds like one of the rooms above me. 

It makes me partially paranoid because bin boy's friend recorded me without my knowledge or consent, knowing full well how triggered I already would be, and it makes me wonder how much they've previously recorded of me. 

I'm probably overthinking it.

He's not clever enough for that.

I suppose being worried about your enemies recording you in your most vulnerable moments when they've deliberately triggered you is a valid response, though.

Which they definitely did.

It doesn't help that I'm an empath and that even if I know it isn't me, it still causes a degree of distress.

Realistically, someone's probably just watching a soap, and I'm overthinking things because I'm not in proper earshot.

I ought to put on some music or more of the MCU to block it out.

I didn't buy a TV only to not use it.

I spent almost three years in this house without a TV.

Genuinely. I think I deserve to be able to use it now.

The voldys never wanted me to have fun without them, nor live without them. Now I do, and I will continue to do so.

I never needed them.

No, you didn't.

Hestia!

Hi.

A souvlaki pitta appears on my nemeton, alongside a zippo lighter decorated with cogs.

Eat well, Medi.

If you didn't know already, Hestia is one of the thirteen Olympians, Goddess of the hearth, home, fire, food and community.

I take a bite.

It's good.

Your eyes are watering.

I know.

When was the last time you had Greek food?

Probably a few months ago.

She sighs.

You need to consume things from this part of your ancestry, or you will struggle! It's part of your motivation to survive, no?

She's right. I've been neglecting my Greek ancestry recently, in terms of food. Food is the most effective way to spiritually call for support and potential healing to occur. 

Whilst I have been focusing on language, which is also a need of mine, I won't be able to survive without food, much less without ancestral food - and most of what I've been eating is from modern fusional cultures, as opposed to the kinds of foods I would need to deal with my situation right now.

I've been feeding my Celtic side to an extent, but that food is much harder to source if you're not there. Often you either have to make it yourself or find a restaurant that serves those dishes, and finding restaurants is much more difficult than you'd think. Greek, however, is relatively easy to source if you know where to find it.

Almost all of my ancestry, aside from my Taiwanese and some regional Italian ancestry, has recently been quite neglected due to my choices. Those foods from my ancestry would also last much longer than what I've been buying in terms of digestion, so apart from due to pricing, I'm not sure why I didn't think of it earlier.

You're right. I just don't want to die.

You won't die. We'll all make sure you don't.

I'm truly thankful, but I'm scared.

There's no need to be. Both us Greeks and the Gaulish-Celtic pantheon are working on getting you out of here as soon as possible. For now, keep eating things that will help heal you, follow what you feel is right career and hobby wise, and we'll deal with the rest.

I feel my eyes watering again.

Thank you, Auntie.

I feel like I'm being hugged all over again, and the smell of cinnamon and cloves slaps me in the face.

Of course. I'll always be here for you. As will we all.

Her presence fades, but her message holds firm.

I'll stay alive. I promise.