71 - A God, Cleansing

Lin

I don't think I've cried so much in a long time.

It seems that my prayers do get answered when need be, but I've reached the point of desperation.

Ironically, I did win the lottery.

It was the lowest prize though, £5, so I invested into some more draws throughout the week. Figured it couldn't hurt.

The draws I've invested into now are Set For Life, Lotto and Thunderball.

I'm sure I'll win at least one of them, given the distribution of tickets I put in.

My body is itching to play an instant game again, but I won't do it.

I remember what happened last time, and I won't be experiencing it a second time.

I'm not about to waste my money again.

What I do know is that the money I don't win goes to charity, so even if it does all go tits up, I can say that my money went to a good place.

It's always a good thing when people get what they need. Which is also why I round up money to give to the Trussel Trust (who invest in local food banks) whenever I buy through Deliveroo. It's my way of giving back to the community.

This morning, for once, I asked for exactly what I needed. And it was a lot.

I'll probably end up being a long term project, but at least if I am, I won't have to worry too much about being alone for much longer.

Realistically, I need someone I can actually talk to about being a God on a long term basis, along with what's going on in system, and what I experience as a result of my spiritual trauma, which I know I don't remember all of, either.

Essentially, I need safe spiritual counsel, which is hard to come by here. But I know my family will figure out a way.

I'm excited to see what's next in store for me, especially after all the calls Artio made for me yesterday.

The majority of the energy that needed to be cleared has now been sweeped away. 

The small minority of energy that my family can't fully cleanse is being dealt with in system now.

Everyone in system, I feel, has been very decent about my issues, and have done their best to ensure that I feel better. 

I know the other versions of me will probably want to have a word at some point, given what I said, but for now, I need to rest from it all.

Speaking to my family on a spiritual level aside from speaking in system is a need for me now, but I also need the physical aspect of socialising, which I basically don't get at all.

But I know I'll be ok.

You will be.

I feel myself welling up all over again.

Demat, Da.

He smiles.

Merry Christmas, Tavi.

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