75 - A God, Hopeful

Lin

I felt a very profound sense in the early hours of this morning.

And from there, I knew what I needed to do.

I made the Gods' Brew.

Somehow now, I have a renewed sense of hope in my heart that things will go well.

I've felt so sad and powerless for so long, but this immense feeling seems to reign supreme, despite those feelings still lingering.

I don't want to be afraid any more.

It feels as though there's something bigger that I'm not seeing, something at my core that isn't clear to me.

Whatever it is, I want to find it.

Wait. I think I know part of what it is.

It's about being useful to other people.

I don't need to be useful to be deserving of existence.

But, more than that,

I don't need to feel ashamed of needing others that are useful to me when I can't be useful myself.

Essentially...

I don't need to do this alone. I need a circle.

And that's exactly what I've done. I've made room for a circle.

I won't be alone any more.

There's equal parts despair and hope within my heart right now, scrambling for power over the direction I'll take.

But I think I'll take the hand of hope, because she's never failed me.

All of this, I realise, is telling me that all that matters is within my heart.

Within my soul.

And so if I know about my godliness, the lies about my parentage, the whole history of the Sim and my own non-human nature, involving shape-shifting and being neither male nor female naturally, then there's a distinct possibility that it's true.

I therefore no longer need to search for a use, because I'm already useful with that information alone, let alone my other capabilities.

And that matters.

I matter.

Yes, you most certainly do.

Oh, hi Atlas!

If you haven't met him already, Atlas is one of my neverending list of cousins on my Greek side, and is a God of constellations, stars, Earth, cartography and navigation, among quite a few other things that I can't remember off the top of my head.

He's a decent guy, and I won't be fooled by those false Roman myths.

What brings you here today?

I wanted to see one of my daughters, but then I remembered that your nemeton was along the path to visit her, so I thought I'd stop by.

He's referring to a specific family member that I also grew up with, who is genuinely really nice. I hope they had a good Christmas too, even though I don't see them any more.

Lovely! We're cooking lunch soon, so feel free to take a load down and rest for a while.

Nah, I'll help.

Are you sure? There are literally three of us already here.

Athena and Mannanán both wave on cue.

I insist. I mean, I help fishermen navigate, after all. I may as well be of use.

Even though you were literally just travelling?

If I don't have something to do, I'll lose my mind.

Fair point.

I hand him a spare from my collection of many enchanted fishing rods, and point him towards the pond after my nemeton's spring.

Over there, you can find Gaulish cod and Brittonic plaice. Also, please catch some glow shrimp to go with it.

Aren't those the ones that can make you high?

Yep. Don't worry, everyone is aware.

He smirks mischeviously.

We should make Ouzo out of it for New Year's.

Don't give me any ideas.

He shakes his head, but the smirk is still there.

Fair enough, given that you have enough of a tolerance now that drinking a lot of those won't knock you into a whole day of sleep.

Weird creatures, I tell you.

I laugh.

Yep, they're weird as hell.

By the way, you can keep that fishing rod.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I have plenty spare.

Alright. I'll be back in a few minutes.

Have fun! :)

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