76 - A God, Wagering

Lin

It seems that I have become what I was trying to avoid being.

I bought a ticket for Euromillions again.

I didn't want the association with mrs voldy, but I've been told that it's been debugged, so I'll be ok.

I'm scared, mainly because I know that I've been doing all of this out of desperation.

For once in my life, I want a major win. One that I don't have to fight for.

Having a few million pounds would make a lot of difference in my life.

It's quite literally life changing money. I wouldn't have to worry about anything, least of all food.

If there was any good time for me to get lucky, now would be the time.

I'll win eventually, I just don't want to go through the years struggling when I could be happy.

And I know some people would ask why I'm not just happy with what I've got, but it's not me being a miser about everything.

The reason behind all of this is because I've been abused so badly that all my wins turned to losses and sand in my mouth.

To be happy, to not have to worry any more, is all I really want.

Sure, I may not get all of that by winning the lottery, but it would sure as hell make me feel safer if I did.

Given the amount of things I've entered into this week, I'm sure to win at least one.

If Euromillions doesn't work out, I always have Lotto or Thunderball to work out. I may even win more than one prize, which would be fabulous.

Even better, I wouldn't need Universal Credit or Personal Independence Payment any more. 

I could just be.

I know that to an extent I have feelings of being burdensome or parasitic at times, but what fuels me most is the desire for independence, for the avoidance of being taken advantage of by others.

Here I am, isolating myself yet again.

I know I'll need the money to pursue therapy for sure as well as paying for my student loans, among other things. I want to use it to get out more and make friends, too.

I've been considering also buying and renovating houses so that I can either sell or rent them out to people in the local area for an affordable price if I do manage to win.

Noble of you.

Aunt Hestia!

She ruffles my hair, and smiles. Then glances behind me. 

Is Atlas asleep?

Yup.

She smirks.

Glow shrimp?

I can't help but cackle. She shakes her head in feigned disapproval.

What are we going to do with you?

I grin.

Well, we'll see what happens with tonight's lottery. From there, we can figure it out.

She sighs.

You shouldn't worry about that, Lin.

I know. I just wish I didn't have to worry about whether I'll have enough to eat or not all the time. It's exhausting.

And we can help with that. You pulled out for Euromillions, right?

I nod.

That was a huge risk knowing where that comes from spiritually, but it'll pay you dividends. You do need to stop taking monetary risks like this, though. It's not healthy for you.

She's right. I don't want to develop a gambling addiction like grandad voldy or mrs voldy. It could ruin my life, and the lives of others, if not kept in check.

You prayed to us three times over the Christmas period at least. Let us take the wheel, ok?

I nod, and she wraps me in my throw blanket.

I'm going to go and speak to some of your cousins, and we'll see what we can do. Sound good?

Trugarez, auntie.

She holds my face in her hands.

Of course.

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