106 - A God, Open

Lin

In the end, I didn't go and see my nice neighbour last night.

Honestly, I wanted to, but I felt that it would be better for me to prioritise resting and adjusting to my new neighbour's antics. I had been crying, so I needed the sleep anyway.

I will meet up with him again, though.

That is a promise that I will keep.

Also, my new neighbour made a bit of a mess of the kitchen last night.

Truthfully, it wasn't as bad as the mess that bin boy or fashion rat made of the kitchen in the past, but it did bother me slightly.

Admittedly, this neighbour has been very noisy as well.

My thought about it all is that I should just approach it with love, and do my best to give this person the benefit of the doubt. It's likely that a terrible concept of boundaries has been taught to them from childhood, but they can learn.

Some of my things had been used in the mess, so I'll make sure that during the meeting, my boundaries are made very clear.

Given that I didn't initially speak to them about what belonged to whom, with regards to both the space and what was in the cupboards, it may have been assumed that everything in the kitchen was communal, so it may just need to be iterated simply.

Weirdly, I'm quite relaxed about the whole thing.

The new neighbour hasn't actually pushed me to do anything that's made me feel uncomfortable, which is a good sign so far.

Either way, I will speak to their caseworker tomorrow, just to give them the low down on what's happened.

I'd rather be honest about my feelings than pretend that nothing happened.

I just had the bacon and leek frittata from my subscription for the first time.

It's delicious, and I'm now very happy.

Food makes everything better in my opinion.

Well, fair play, most things.

I have a lot of mixed emotions right now.

There is a combination of loneliness, anger, joy, love and anxiety stirring in me, always all at once. People may very well call it emotional instability, but I prefer to call it feeling stew.

Everything is happening at once emotionally, and I'm all too aware of it.

It's not even scary at this point. Slightly overwhelming, though.

And as I look at it all in greater detail, I think I'll get through this.

Just like I've gotten through everything.

This sadness has related to my isolation, as well as not engaging in hobbies and work I want to do for my own enjoyment. A lot of it has related to sharing with others, which is part of why I've wanted to have my own space.

Me being loud or even properly engaging in my hobbies around the voldys was almost always unacceptable, especially if it made a lot of noise. Even me having conversations from within system, daydreams or the astral realm out loud was often ridiculed as me speaking to 'imaginary friends', specifically referencing 'Soren Lorensson' from Charlie and Lola, as a way of dismissing it as childish, as opposed to a coping mechanism for both being unable to get my social needs met, and as a way of getting spiritual and emotional needs met, among other things like helping me develop creative inspiration.

For me, that 'talking to myself' has always been very personal. Sacred, even. Usually, I wouldn't dare mention that I do it for fear of ridicule and punishment for said behaviour. But at this point, I no longer care. 

It's my inner multiverse, encompassing myself and those I love, and sometimes those I hate, too. It is a mirror to what happens outside. I will be damned before I let anyone get the chance to break that mirror.

It's mine.

And it always will be yours.

I turn around, and the first thing that catches my eye is flaming red hair, followed by pallid skin and green eyes. She's clothed in green and blue tartan, and black knee high leather boots. She smiles placidly.

Danú!

Her smile grows wider as I reach out to hug her, and she reciprocates. She smells of lavender, and cedar, and mildew. But, mostly, of home.

It's wonderful to see you!

She chuckles lightly, and breaking off the embrace gently, she takes my hands in hers.

Lovely to see you too, Tavi.

I tilt my head slightly to one side.

What brings you here?

She smiles.

To be honest, I don't know. But what I do know is that it's important for me to be here with you and the others right now, possibly until Imbolc.

A thought pops into my head, so I enunciate it.

Do you think that Brigid might visit during Imbolc?

She rubs her chin in thought.

It's entirely possible, and given that Mannanán, Rhiannon and now Arianrhod are also here, something's probably going on, starting with you.

I grin.

I look forward to seeing what's in store for us, and I'm open to it.

She mirrors my grin.

So am I.