81 - A God, Determined

Lin

My caseworker basically saved my life today.

Sometimes, as has been said to me before, I really do need company to get myself to eat.

I feel like treating myself today, so I'm going to get Five Guys.

After that ordeal, I deserve to treat myself to something I enjoy.

Something that I also admitted to myself today was that I hate feeling indebted to people.

Anyone who does anything good for me, I want to pay back.

But maybe I need to just be open to receiving without condition.

I mean, I'm perfectly fine with things like giving to charity, and even giving money and time to friends in need of it. I should allow myself the same benefit.

You should.

Mannanán takes a seat next to me, ruffling my hair.

You beat yourself up over the most stupid shit. You don't owe anyone anything. If anything, you of all people deserve to be treated well after everything you've been through.

He's right. I end up overanalysing the whole situation because the voldys always wanted things I wasn't willing to give, or shouldn't have even been considered as a price. Everything was transactional with them.

As a result, even now, I withdraw care for myself as a result of the neglect and mistreatment I endured as a result of having the needs that I do. It's not brilliant, I'll admit, but at least I'm owning up to those facts now. And with that in mind, I can heal.

Gura mie ayd. You want to get Five Guys, too?

Sure. What's on the menu?

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