94 - A God, Magnificent

Lin

Somehow, I've managed to stay up all night into the afternoon.

Usually, I'd be asleep now.

I did get some food from a place I really like that does breakfast bagels, which is always a plus.

It has helped to fill my belly until I see my caseworker. That is, if I do see them today.

The weather has been very cold recently.

Extremely cold. Whilst that's a good thing, the heating in my room has been temperamental. I'm sure it'll fix itself, though.

I would sleep now, but I wouldn't be able to guarantee when I'd be waking up if I did.

I have a feeling today might get cancelled anyway though, as there have been weather warnings for ice in the area, and it may make travelling awkward.

I feel a motivation to make subliminals, but I also feel frozen, as if I can't.

Maybe the experience making my last client's subliminal has something to do with it.

Whatever it is, I shouldn't let it deter me.

I'll be making whatever it is I want to make, and I'm going to have so much fun.

As it turns out, I managed to manifest not seeing my caseworker until tomorrow, which I realise now is probably a good thing.

By the time they got to me, I was falling asleep, so it wouldn't have been the most productive time.

I will have the call with the lady from Haringey, though.

I may as well. After all, there are going to be some points when I'll need to advocate for myself. I should start now.

Also, I have decided that I want to move on from bin boy.

Frankly, both neighbour and friend wise, I can do astronomically better than him - and I deserve to attract better people into my life.

So I will be making Philotes' essence sometime soon.

And it will be full of affirmations for healthy friendships.

I feel genuinely relaxed and happy now.

It definitely helps that the racism in system is being cleaned out, given that a lot of it was put there by other people through false claims and racism of their own.

Rationally, I should never have attributed those feelings to myself, as they never really belonged to me or my worldview. 

Those labels were placed there by other people for the sake of their convenience, often either trying to get me into trouble or gaslight me for standing up for myself.

No more. It is not mine.

Something about having the knowledge that I've done nothing wrong and therefore have nothing to worry about is reassuring.

It feels like I've finally been vindicated.

As you should feel.

Azure blue and white wings brush my skin, and a gentle hand ruffles my hair. I turn in my chair to behold Isis standing before me, black hair swaying in the cold draft of the nemeton. She's dressed well for winter, luckily, but I decide it best to start a fire in the fireplace anyway.

Are you alright after the journey? It's colder than a frost giant's tit out there.

She tries not to snort, but fails.

I've seen worse in Greece.

She begins helping me load the fireplace with logs.

I came to tell you that the Egyptian pantheon wants to help you with rickmansworth.

I nod, taking out a few scrunched up pieces of paper to start the fire with, followed by one of my many lighters.

Who have you been able to find so far?

Osiris, Horus and Ma'at. If I remember rightly, Ra is also involved. Everyone else seems to be MIA right now, although there have been sightings of other Gods. I have faith they'll come back.

I toss the flaming page into the fireplace and Isis shuts the door on the fireplace.

That's not many people. I can only assume rickmansworth tried to separate you all in the same way they did with both the Greek and Gaulish pantheons.

She nods.

He's been determined to destroy us, but he won't. We also have you, a descendant of Ramesses III, so as far as I'm concerned, he has no power here any more.

That is true, though I don't toot my horn too much about it, as I present as very white.

You should be proud of it. He was a good and just ruler, like yourself.

I smile. 

Thank you, Isis.

She reaches out for a hug, and I accept.

Of course. You deserve to be treated as the God and King that you are.

My heart swells with joy and love at those words. I had been afraid of properly accepting my royal ancestry from throughout the globe due to the idea of racism, but also the ideas surrounding identity and privilege. I didn't want to be dismissed as a fake, but furthermore, I did not want to be treated with disgust as a result of my heritage coming from royalty and nobility.

But it is mine. And I deserve to be able to say that without fear of judgement.

I pass Isis a small statuette of an owl imbued with protective and fortunate magic.

Thank you for seeing the good in me.

She releases me from the hug to take the statuette into her hands.

It's beautiful. I'll let the rest of the pantheon know of your kindness.

She ruffles my hair one more time, and walks towards the nemeton door.

Keep safe, Litavis.

And you, Isis.