91 - A God, Relaxed

Lin

I feel very relaxed today.

Last night was an interesting point to note, though.

In my sleep, I dreamed that voldy jnr had been stalking me.

I actually screamed at her to stop. It didn't deter her, but I'm sure ignoring her afterwards did.

I also dreamt that I had a place to live with some other people, and I honestly don't know how I feel about it.

I can't tell whether or not it was toxic, but somehow it felt like it was really chill at the same time.

My main thing was I didn't want voldy jnr to follow me home, and it seems as though she didn't.

It may very well be that she's stalking my social media though, so I ought to be careful what I post and where.

When it gets to that point, though, I intend to able to contact my cousin again.

I wanted to give them the chance to turn 18 before saying anything about what went on, as I don't want to ruin their childhood or sanctity around the voldys. Not that there was any sanctity to begin with, but I want them to feel safe.

Those who are my actual family, honestly, I miss them.

I know there are memories there, people there, who I've not seen in a long time. But I will see them some day.

One thing I can say now is that I do feel safe.

I feel safe in the knowledge that I am a God, and that because of that, I can save myself. I have security and freedom because I chose to be the master of my destiny.

The more I look at it that way, the more relaxed I feel about the whole thing.

And after I vented about my struggles last night to both Hestia and the Mind forum, it feels as though something has been cleared. At least, temporarily.

As I write this, I hear a tinkling of bells. I turn, and standing in front of me, in her iridescent glory, silver bells jangling as they move with her skirt, is Iris.

Hi!

Hello! To what do I owe this pleasure?

She grins.

No owing here, just gifts!

She hands me what looks like a rose gold clam shell. Inside it is a mirror, symbols scratched into the surface.

Hera wanted me to give this to you.

A manifestation mirror?

She nods.

It should help you get whatever you need. 

I wanted to give you something, too.

She hands me a rainbow pin, which reflects rainbows everywhere. I cast her a questioning look.

You can use it to speak to me, but also if you need to feel better, just tap, and it'll give to you whatever's best to cheer you up in that moment.

I feel myself tearing up yet again for the realisation of just how kind my family are. They're so generous, and they do all of this without expectation of anything in return, because they want to see me healthy and happy. And that's all I ever wanted.

I want to get to where they are, and be on equal footing.

Relax. You already are.

Iris pats my head.

Remember that time you gave a friend £200 because he was in dire need and you didn't need it? Or the times you helped your homeless friends get through the barriers at train stations because they didn't have the money to pay their fares? You are already that level of generous. We've just learned to take that generosity from a place of being able to afford the costs of it.

Maybe you haven't yet mastered that in the capacity you want to, but you're definitely capable of it. Always remember that.

She holds my hands in hers, and I almost start crying again.

Thank you.

I let go of her hands, and outstretch my arms for a hug, which she reciprocates.

Always let us know if you need anything.

I'll keep that in mind.

She lets go, then hesitates and turns back to me.

Also, Hestia's working on it.

I smile.

Thanks for letting me know.

She waves, and leaves my nemeton in a flurry of glitter.

Manny walks in, inspects the floor, and glances at me.

Iris?

I nod.

Iris.

He sighs, but he's smiling.

We'll need to get the Dyson out again.

Eh, it's not that bad. 

It's on you, too.

I check my clothes to find sparkly glory, and shrug.

She brings happiness wherever she goes.

I suppose ye could say that.

Manny notices both the pin and the mirror, and gives me a small, but warm smile.

Gifts?

I nod.

Good. Ye deserve the best ye can get.

He ruffles my hair, and leaves, probably to get the Dyson. I clutch the mirror closely to my chest, the pin already pinned to the lapel of my jumper.

Thank you. All of you.