136 - A God, Admiring

Lin

My mental health practitioner tried some shady shit over yesterday and today.

Honestly, I didn't want to mention it, as the whole thing has made me a lot angrier than I like to be at any given time, but I also feel that this takes precedence over pleasing anyone with regards to how I write this blog, which is, first and foremost, for me - even if I do choose to share it with people.

So she decided to not email me with confirmation of our next appointment, and so I ended up being notified yesterday that I was supposed to have an appointment today.

Now this may not initially sound insidious, but I have reason to believe it was in an attempt to force me into a neurotypical box.

Last time we met, she basically went roughshod over my fears of going out, and blamed me for having a negative outlook surrounding going out, as well as my current needs encompassing it, including having someone with me when I do go out, such as a caseworker.

During that appointment, she tried to push me into going to music therapy in an area of the borough that I don't even know, saying "don't let the distance stop you," as if that would solve the problem. 

In my opinion, she deliberately withheld the information about my appointment so that I'd be forced to attend on my own.

From what I remember, she was also very dismissive of my reaction to bin boy, and picked at my testimony on what the voldys did to me in a way that I can only describe as 'looking for malicious intent'. She was literally analysing my microexpressions and picked one out, almost as a way of accusing me of something before even hearing my version of events.

Luckily for me, the caseworker on duty today spoke to me and realised that this had invariably upset me, and has decided to support my decision that I will not tolerate seeing her any more if I do not wish to.

Personally, if a person or thing does not spark joy in my life, I can and will find a way to detach it from my life. 

Being my parents' child, I have zero qualms about taking out the trash.

And that's on only allowing for people on my level to be in my life.

Just like I taught you.

Da ruffles my hair and takes a seat alongside me.

The other caseworker's going to be off for a while.

I know. We'll look after you in the mean time.

I sigh in relief.

Trugarez.

He nods.

Of course.

I rest my head on his shoulder, and he smiles.

Do you want to watch something?

I crane my neck slightly to look at him.

Cinema Therapy?

He nods.

Sounds good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

51 - A God, Reaching

Lin  Yesterday I had a panic attack almost as bad as the one I had at UC about a month ago. When they come up, it's crippling. I always knew that my panic attacks came from the concern of how much physical energy I would have to do a certain thing, and whether or not I'd end up being vulnerable in a public place. Again, it was always mrs voldy who said I was vulnerable, when in truth, I am about as vulnerable as anybody else who is white and femme presenting. Which is, to an extent, vulnerable, but not the sort that I was being led to believe. And anyone without the proper support they need is vulnerable to an extent. My limbs and head ache with the tension that I was doing my best to avoid. My kidney isn't particularly happy, either. I'll bet you anything that if the doctors ever get a look at my kidney, they'll find a laceration where I was stabbed. It's not subtle. They'll see it. And then the voldys will be in serious trouble. I had to speak to another c
Read more

266 - A God, Green

Lin I visited Greenwich today. After the reclaiming last night, it only felt right. What I found there is still something I'm processing. Let's just say that the people of Greenwich remember me, and venerate me. They've built a statue of me near the Millennium Sundial, marking the entrance to a huge nemeton that spans from there across Greenwich Park, to the Cornish Rebellion Memorial. Knowing that the people and spirits of the area remember me and love me brings tears to my eyes, even now. Somehow, I managed to do what I set out to in the first place - take back the meridian that's mine. Frankly, I thought I'd have to wage all out war to get it back - and I'm so grateful that I figured out a quicker, more peaceful way of liberating Greenwich. Currently, I'm back at the first nemeton, helping Arthur with his maps. My new nemetona have now been marked on the map, and some of mine and others' older ones are also being dug up by the timeline enchantment I p
Read more

300 - A God, Shedding

Lin Over the past few weeks, my energy has felt really low, both physically and mentally. But especially mentally. Physically, it's started to become worse, particularly after switching between distance reiki healers I use on YouTube. Yet something tells me that with this change, I'm shedding energy, like an old skin - just like I would in my Gorgon form, shedding snake skin from my hair every now and again . As they like to say... "Out with the old, in with the new." Take today, for example, when some people came over to clear up the house's greenery, which was long overgrown - that had to be pruned in order to make way for the new. I'm considering asking my caseworker about the kinds of flowers we could put in our garden - though they would need maintenance.
Read more