149 - A God, Resting

Lin

So I've caught the same flu my neighbour has had for the past few days.

Admittedly, it's not too bad now, but it's definitely come at an awkward time.

My caseworker is supposed to come back tomorrow, so despite this, I should probably be able to see them this week, even if it means only meeting with them briefly.

Honestly, knowing that both caseworkers are back is a relief.

One thing that is still playing on my mind though is me moving.

I need to get out of here.

The longer I stay here, the worse I feel.

However, whilst my move is important, I also need to ensure that I'm resting the correct amount, especially given that I just caught the flu.

I've also cancelled my doctor's appointment as a result.

Not that I will be seeing that mental health practitioner again. I refuse.

I'm excited to hear from my caseworker again.

It's been more than a month since we last spoke, so hopefully they're well enough to visit the house this week.

When possible, I want to discuss proper proceedings with regards to moving house.

Sharing has caught up with me mentally, and I don't think I'm in a state where I can wait much longer. Patience is a virtue, sure, but I feel like I've run out of virtues to exhibit.

All of a sudden, I feel a load of anxiety come up.

I haven't felt truly anxious in quite a while, actually. I was doing really well up until this point.

Both Arianrhod and my Maman sit by me now, offering me my throw and words of comfort to settle me. I haven't felt this vulnerable in a while, so it takes me by surprise.

You're going to be ok.

My Maman gestures for me to lay my head in her lap, and so I do, taking in deep breaths.

I've spent so much of my time alone recently. I don't want to be alone any more. I'm scared.

Ma môr...

Arianrhod gently places a hand on my shoulder.

Ye won't be alone for much longer, alright? Tomorrow you'll hear from people again, and you'll feel more existent. We've got ye - we won't leave ye out in the cold. Iawn?

I nod, tears dripping down my face and onto Maman's trousers.

Iawn.

I'm about to reach for the tissue box, but Maman stops me, placing it by my head.

Relax. My trousers are washable. 

She hands me a few tissues, and I dab at my face.

Please take it easy, Lin. You're sick.

I nod slowly, nuzzling against Maman's leg, and she chuckles, stroking my head.

You always have us. Mat eo din? We'll get the right people into your life. I know it feels easier said than done, and far away, but it's practically here. So mar plij...

She gently wipes at the further tears streaming down my face.

... Have faith in us.

We'll stay right here.

I nod, carefully readjusting myself so that my head is on my Maman's shoulder.

Trugarez, both of you.

Quietly, I blow my nose, and use more tissue than I care to admit to clean up my face.

I've been so hypervigilant these days that it's been crippling. I just want to go home.

Maman nods.

Ya. We want you here, too. We'll be together soon.

But how long?

She frowns, and I can sense the sadness in her response.

I fear that you most likely would know better than me on that matter.

Knowing how our godly powers compare, she's probably right. I'm the Time God, aside from my Da, who would probably be a better person to ask. Even so, I can't help but feel alone.

I don't know how much longer I can exist like this.

Arianrhod and Maman put their arms around me, and we sit like that for a long time.

Give it three months, and no more. Like I said, we'd never leave ye alone. Iawn?

I nod in equal parts skepticism and hope.

Promise you'll stay?

They exchange looks.

We promise.

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