155 - A God, In Bloom

Lin

My physical life may not be so full or positive, but my spiritual life is.

Today I met another ancestor and had a dream about autumn, which weirdly makes me feel better.

It seems that at least my heart is healing somewhat.

But my digestive system, spiritually, is now a wreck, so that needs saving, too.

I won't even go into the carnage that has been fighting to keep my brain.

Which has been, in one word, messy.

However I put it, Monday is nearly here, and potentially, an end to my suffering.

Oddly, Mondays are a sort of relief to me. Probably because they mean that I won't be alone for the whole week.

And I just opened the freezer to find that someone ate my ice cream.

I did say "please don't touch my food" at the beginning. That rule may have to be reinforced, though I don't get the sense that my new neighbour was the culprit. I daresay it's most likely one of their friends.

I just messaged the current caseworker for tomorrow, so they know.

Whilst also making a petition yet again to get me a personal fridge so I don't have to worry about my personal space being invaded because it's triggering.

Adephagia passes me a non-spoilt pot of the peanut butter chocolate ice cream I'd been saving and smiles gently at me.

Ευχαριστώ.

Παρακαλώ.

I shovel a spoonful into my mouth, and she chuckles good naturedly.

Hungry, I see.

I nod.

Though I've been struggling to eat.

Ναι, I have noticed.

We're both quiet for a moment.

Why did they want to take my stomach?

She pauses. Whether or not it's to consider how to respond, or if an emotion has hit her, I'm not quite sure, but either way, she gives me an answer.

They wanted your bravery. They wanted your soul. They wanted to be as skinny, as fit, as strong as you - and they thought they'd find the secrets in your stomach.

But they didn't.

She sighs, nodding.

Even without those things, they held onto it as an attempt to get you to give up everything about yourself, because the stomach is the centre of identity aside from the brain. To mould you, they needed control over it. Hence why so much damage has been done to it, and therefore your appetite.

This all makes so much sense.

Was this also because I'm a God?

She nods.

They were planning to eat you like they ate Christ. Except it would have been much worse.

They would have eaten me alive.

Which is an evil even the Gods wouldn't dare commit. 

To eat someone's flesh, dead or alive, but especially alive, is sacrilege of one of the highest orders after rape and sexual violence. Mainly because it is always deliberate, but also because it warps the mind, and can prevent a person from experiencing their afterlife, as their body wasn't paid the right respects before their funerary rights were done properly.

Unfortunately, you are most likely correct. They wanted the powers that lie within you, but there's no way they would've gotten them by eating you, given that they limited your powers in the first place by programming you.

Hang on.

They destroyed my powers by programming me?

Not exactly. But they destroyed all hope of getting them by doing so, as programming any God negatively triggers emergency directives, which if I recall correctly, you put in, just in case serious matters such as these came about. One of those is cutting off godly powers from anyone except the God themself in question.

All of this makes me think one thing.

Those directives only allow me to use my powers when I'm not dealing with programming, right? And so I have to be safe first.

You need to leave.

This was my thought as well.

Rolling my shoulders, I smile. 

Looks like I'm shoving my agenda to my caseworker this week.