178 - A God, Ironically

Lin

Last night, I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life.

The NHS ended up calling me a literal ambulance team, because my situation was so severe.

Said ambulance team were wonderful, and actually helped me get some quick action in on getting me support, as well as getting me food for until tomorrow, when I get my ready meals.

For a while last night, I was flailing, trying to grab onto whoever I could, because I was scared. Sleeping helped, I think.

It helped that the dream I had related to my Gaulish ancestry, as I've felt a tad detached from it lately.

Admittedly, the dream was strange, and I don't feel I should say any more about it, but I am curious, as it pointed to a specific province in Gaulish land, so I may follow that.

My new caseworker was also around to help today, which helped significantly.

Now that things are going to happen, I feel like I can take it easy.

I've also been having a lot of dreams about insects recently, specifically ones that can sting.

From my experience, insects like that are almost always from the fake Norns. Though I was encouraged in the dream not to try and swat at that one for my safety, so at least there are some people out there who could become my friends, given that I didn't recognise them. Maybe the insect was Aristaeos, but I feel like if that was the case, he'd have also brought some cheese or honeycomb for me to look at or eat in the dream, so I'd know it was him.

Either way, most flying things cause me an irrational amount of fear, so my response was to be expected.

Ironically, there are some birds and bats, and even insects, that I like - but I'm still partially afraid of them.

Most of my fear of insects comes from the fact that as a kid, mr voldy would lock me in the loft with the wasp nest that had formed up there as a form of punishment for me.

I don't remember much about it, but I do remember having died at least once up there.

Which puts my current death metre at the startling figure of eight.

By now, most people's bodies would have fallen apart. However, as I am inherently non-human, as well as being a God, among other things, some pains and experiences I've dealt with in ways most would deem to be impossible.

I'll be honest, I know I'm lucky to be here.

Again, ironic to think about, given that I had to physically restrain myself from yeeting myself into traffic yesterday because of my panic/anxiety attack, but there we go.

Yet in all seriousness, I enjoy life, and find solace in the knowledge that there are some decent human beings, if you know where to find them.

And I suppose that ought to be what keeps me going - is knowing that some humans are, indeed, capable of the love that Gods have, that we are, for all things that exist, benevolent or malevolent.

Whilst I have described this Sim more than a few times as godforsaken, perhaps my view came more from feeling that I myself was forsaken, as opposed to everyone else.

Some parts of this are also due to the fact that certain people who I would consider Gods, and some of the best of them at that, had to leave at certain points. And whilst this was a need for them and their safety, when rickmansworth took over, my network of support gradually got shoved out of the way.

But in this era, this is no longer world's Sim.

This is my Sim.

And that is how it shall stay. For now, at least.

Somebody ruffles my hair, and I glimpse a flash of ginger hair.

Auntie!

Artio opens her arms wide, and I stand to greet her with an embrace that ends up smelling like elderflower and cherry blossom.

Hello to you, too.

She takes a seat, rummaging through her bag, and hands me the same mozzarella and pesto wrap from Sainsbury's that I told the ambulance crew was my favourite.

Ah, trugarez!

She smiles.

Gant plijadur. (Wrth gwrs.)

Mar plij?

I indicate to the wrap, and she nods.

You don't need to ask, that's what it's there for.

Opening the packaging, I swipe out one half of the wrap, and I bite into it, savouring the deliciousness that it is.

I'm glad that you're eating again. I was worried.

She hands me what I quickly realise is a Lucozade.

For the sugar.

I nod, swallowing my bite of wrap, before taking a sip of said orange Lucozade, relieved that my eating is getting easier.

It's wonderful to see you.

She nods.

I heard about Herne, Arthur, Merlin and Robin, and couldn't satiate my curiosity from France.

I grin.

They do have that kind of aura about them, don't they? Legendary, without the need to be anything but themselves.

She smiles.

Just like you.

I find myself blushing, and she chuckles.

I wouldn't say it if it wasn't the truth, Tavi.

Once I've regained my composure, I reply.

I don't doubt it.

What else brings you here today?

For a minute, I can sense her contemplating her words.

Provence.

I stare at her incredulously.

My dream?

Your dream.

I sigh, resting my hands behind my head.

Aubigny, and coins, and...

Ya. It's more simple than you think.

She takes my hands in hers.

Trust that there is nothing more to worry about besides your healing. Everything else is temporary, just like spring.

After all, that was how you initially designed the Sim to be, right?

If you didn't already know, I helped design the simulation we now live on, with help from a few people from other planets, to ensure that there was enough room for people to engage in mass healing of their own cultures, as well as cultural relations.

When rickmansworth took over, he attempted to destroy that directive, poisoning those who could not leave with mass generational and ancestral trauma. 

Now that I rule, I'll do my best to clean up the mess he made, and perhaps, leave everything better than it was at the launch stage of the Sim's long life.

That's my aim, anyway.

Ya. I want to see my people, and myself, prosper. And I would appreciate it if you could help me.

Artio smiles.

Of course! How do you feel you need to be helped?

I pause, ruminating over my answer.

Besides protection, I feel I need more people in my life physically. Now, I know that there are people working on getting me healthy friendships, but I also need people who are Gods in my life, and those who are inclined towards spirituality, and godly things.

She nods.

I can help you with that. Given that you know about Aubigny and its proximity to our capital, I would say it would be a good idea for you to learn Provençal whilst I work on it.

Great! One more language for me to learn, and another brilliant excuse for me to learn French properly.

I will definitely look into that and Français again.

Good idea. You'll find better resources in French than English. Also, we can buffer French with other provincial languages in system to help with any underlying diseases within the language. We've already done this with English as we had to, but French only has a few things buffering it as of right now.

She has a point. English has her way of being a stick in the mud to those who she deems below her, and resents those above her, but those details are obvious, and so most people from outside and inside of English speaking countries understand this on a subconscious level.

French, however, due to her nature, can be much more insidious if left to her own devices, and sometimes, especially cut throat in her attempts to get her way. She's definitely not as evil as English, but she too has an inferiority complex, and feels she must rule everything. Blink, and you'll miss her.

Understood. I'll see what resources I already have.

She smiles.

I'll make sure to direct you to some easy ones to access, that are safe for you to use.

Trugarez.

I note that Artio doesn't have any food or drink for herself.

Would you like some apple lemonade?

She grins.

Mar plij, that sounds wonderful.

Opening the fridge door, I pull out one of the large containers I've been using to store the apple lemonade in, and pour her a glass, also offering her some battenburg cake, which she declines politely.

I'll have some later, though. I ate before I came here.

I nod, passing her the glass, and she takes a sip. Her face lights up.

This is made with healing magic!

I nod.

Adephagia taught me.

She beams.

I'm so glad! Her visiting must have been to help you.

Ya. Her and the Spartan cousins visited.

She raises her eyebrows.

They almost never travel! They must have really wanted to see you.

So it seems.

For a minute, we both smile at each other, as I take a seat again.

You know, I think there will always be people who want to see you.

You think?

She nods.

You're one of the strongest, most heartful people I know.

I can't help but smile.

And you're amazing too, Auntie.

She grins.

Trugarez.

We settle in each other's arms for another hug, before she picks up the TV remote.

Should we watch Robin Of Sherwood and see how the Merry Men react?

I cackle.

Let's see how many times someone says 'inaccurate'.

She laughs.

Mat eo din. This will be fun.