185 - A God, Respiring

Lin

The crisis team visited me today.

From what they've said, they're referring me back to the Primary Care Team, as I need a longer, more consistent form of treatment.

My caseworker also paid a visit.

We discussed a few things, including how I was kidnapped a while back, which should help me get moved out faster.

Right now, I'm doing my best to maintain a sense of calm, as it sounds like bin boy decided to come here today as well.

I'm pretty sure I heard him and his friends being loud in the corridor, which was very triggering for me.

Honestly, I'm willing them to leave with all the strength I have.

I did put a banishing spell on him, which keeps him at bay most of the time, so that should continue to take effect.

Luckily for me, the impulse to commit suicide isn't as present as it was earlier.

Even if he is here, so long as I remain in my room, I'll probably be fine.

Given that he attempted to tie himself to me spiritually and ruin parts of my ancestral land, the hostility and adverse reaction to him is palpable.

So long as I keep breathing, I'll expose him. 

But I'll do my best not to dwell on it.

They never stay longer than two or three hours anyway, and he's supposed to be moving soon.

Aside from that, my ability to eat has improved slightly.

I ate some chocolate, yoghurt and some cake today, which is always good.

Whilst the hot flushes, dizziness, palpitations and other symptoms are still here, I'm considerably better than I was.

Physically, I'm still in a difficult place, but it's considerably better than two or three days ago.

Terrence and Robb are with me again, as being alone with this is not pleasant, and physically, I don't really have anyone aside from caseworkers who can help.

We've got you, mat eo din?

Terrence runs his hands through my hair. Myself, him and Robb are in what can only be described as a snuggle pile on the sofa. Generally, we don't do this, but it's calming me down, especially given who I've sensed to be in the house.

At least in my nemeton, it's safe.

Robb nods.

Aye, Plushie. We're here for ye too, if ye need anything.

He rubs my shoulder.

Diolch. Both of you.

They both wrap me in one of the awkwardest yet most comfortable hugs I've ever had. It lasts for a while, and I feel myself relax more and more. When my hunger and nausea come up along with a hot flush, Robb quietly places me in Terrence's lap.

Easy now.

I nestle into Terrence's chest. Usually, when it gets this bad, I'm alone. But not today. Today, I feel safe. Safe in the knowledge that two of the most important people in my life care about me. 

My emotions and body surprise me with tears, and Robb reaches for the tissue box.

Hey...

Terrence strokes my head, then proceeds to gently dab at my face, causing me to giggle, before he hands me the tissue so I can clean up my face.

We will find you. 

That's a promise.

I nod, sniffing.

Aye. Ye won't be left alone again, Plushie. Not unless ye want to be.

Through the tears, I smile.

I love you both so much.

And we love you, too.

Robb nods.

Bob amser.

I rest my head on Terrence's chest again.

Do you think I'll get better?

They exchange looks. I doubt they were expecting me to be concerned about whether or not I'd get through this. 

The light at the end of the tunnel is concave, and I have no clue as to where it leads. To more darkness? I can't say. All I know is that my body feels like it's destroying itself, and all I want is to go home. That feeling of hiraeth, I suppose, has always been within me somewhere.

We know you'll get better.

Terrence nods. 

We'll make sure you get better.

I feel myself being enveloped in a hug again.

You're always safe with us. Mat eo din?

Mat eo din.