187 - A God, Litanising

Lin

Whittington, indeed, did not take me seriously.

This is why I wanted someone with me when I went in - to actually make sure I was not only referred, but treated with the utmost urgency.

People might believe that my responses are entitlement, but honestly, it's far from it.

I know my worth, and I deserve to be respected and my word to be honoured, which means, if I come in with symptoms, that all avenues be explored as soon as possible.

Honestly, I just about managed some Marylands today, but besides that, nothing.

But I'm craving carbonara, so I may try to have some, depending on how I feel.

My caseworker has now properly referred me to social services, which will probably prove to be helpful.

Depending on, of course, how well qualified my social worker will be to look after a neurodivergent person. I'm sure they will be. If not, I will complain.

After it all, I ended up being given transport home, instead of being taken to Peckwater, which I wish they had asked me about.

Even now, it still feels like an emergency, but it's highly unlikely that anyone will listen to me unless they outright get yelled at by someone advocating on my behalf.

For clarification, I did a reading on the matter, and had a dream last night about walking into a purple flower bush full of grey blue bumblebees, and I feel it is probably best that I wait this one out.

Given that multiple people have either rejected me or kept me in the dark, it's no surprise that I may have to wait whether I like it or not, and whether I should have to or not.

I spend the day sleeping and praying - praying that this will be all over soon, that I may finally get the help I need, that I may finally be able to get out of here. I know it will be soon, but I've waited for more than two years to get out of here.

Truthfully, I'm at a point where I don't care if I have several panic attacks on my way to my new home - I just want to get there.

As I'm thinking this, I find myself surrounded by everyone who has been around for me for the past month - all of my Greek and Gaulish family, some Norse Gods, some Chinese, some from other parts of the planet - all there, with me, in my nemeton.

Terrence sits by me, pulling me into his lap, running his hands through my hair again.

We'll always be here.

I nod, snuggling into his embrace.

Today has been tiring. And I'm scared.

I know, lovely. It's gonna be alright.

He rubs my back, and somehow, that alleviates some of the stress I've been feeling.

Trugarez.

Artio and Herne take seats near us, too, along with a few other people, including Robb. Artio speaks.

What can we do to help?

I raise my head slightly to better see everyone.

My eating disorder and moving are the top priorities. Given that I need to move to my own land because being here is making me ill, I think it's reasonable that moving would be first on the agenda.

Robb nods.

We're on that, Plushie, so don't worry. Give it a few days.

I gulp, nodding. I just managed to have some profiteroles and ice cream, which, due to my not eating much for the past few days, has made me feel nauseous. I did also buy carbonara, which I will probably attempt to eat later.

Also, if there are any charities or organisations that can help directly with me, my eating disorder and my mental and physical health, with things like home visits and whatnot, I would really appreciate that.

Artio smiles.

We can do that. We already have some places in mind.

Great.

Terrence gently strokes my head.

You happy with that, lovely?

I nod, discovering solace and peace in his arms again. Somehow, I can sense my ancestors' love from here, my parents' love, my brother's love - everybody's. It has been a while since I felt like that.

My vision blurs, and my tears fall onto my trousers. Terrence quietly hands me the tissue box, continuing to stroke my hair. Everyone else seems to have left us alone now.

I'm here.

I'm incredibly lucky to have these wonderful people, but especially this wonderful man I call my husband, in my life.

Trugarez.

And that trugarez, now, has suddenly become yet another way to pray.

So I pray that this love is eternal, and that so are we.

Gods, we will forever be.

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