191 - A God, Planting

Lin

Today has been a struggle.

My main caseworker is on sick leave, so I haven't really had as much support as I feel I need. 

But I did get mail earlier from the NHS, with details of both last and next week.

All I can hope for is that I won't have to go to the hospital or the therapist alone.

I am anxious, as per usual, but until I get properly processed by the right authorities, I'm stuck here.

Whilst I definitely can't say that I'm pleased about it, I also can't say it surprises me.

Somehow I know that my life is meant for more than this, for more than me just sitting idly by as time slips past me.

Right now, if I were on track to what I'd originally aimed for, I'd have at least two albums out by now, and potentially a book. 

Now, I know there's no rush, but I hate relying too much on others, even though I know I need people, both as a God and a Sal person in order to feel whole and healthy.

Honesty about needing people has not been easy, as it's been used against me countless times to take advantage of me. So I push people away, muttering excuses about their safety and my independence, when really, what I need is balance.

Aye. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Brigid walks over and sits herself by me, passing me what looks like a maple syrup pastry.

Ah! Go raibh maith agat!

She smiles.

Of course.

For a minute, we bask in the silence, combined with the crackling of the fire. Then, she speaks.

You're going to heal, ye know. I see it.

You think so?

I know so, lad. You're going to move out with yer problems, find better help and get settled somewhere that actually likes ye. I know it.

Perhaps it hasn't happened yet, but it doesn't mean that it won't, nor does it mean that it's not being worked on.

She sighs.

But I understand yer plight, lad. It's no enjoyment to live in a place with people not suited to ye.

I nod.

It's been a difficult time, not to mention dealing with multiple abusive people.

Aye. Which is why they should take ye out whilst they still can.

Do ye want me to light a fire under their arses?

I consider this for a minute. Generally, with Brigid, of all people, I wouldn't ask her to speed anything up - I usually just ask her for help when I conjure fire, which is fairly often, but not too often. But she's my family - and she definitely is more capable of helping me than I've been giving her credit for.

Sure, if you think it might make their actions faster.

She grins.

Fantastic. I'll let ye know if I get anything before you do, but I highly doubt I will.

And if ye need anything, ye can always ask me. 

I smile.

Great, go raibh maith agat.

She ruffles my hair.

Brilliant. Now, should we watch Doctor Who?

Ninth Doctor?

Sounds good. The sass level is ours, too.

We both grin, and she turns on the TV.

To the stars, I guess.

To the stars.