192 - A God, Everlasting

Lin

It's been a weird one today.

Despite my pain and discomfort, I get the sense that we may be getting somewhere with my moving.

From what I've been told, speaking to some officials may get me moved out of here sooner rather than later.

Which, frankly, is exactly what I need.

Clearing out some of my room has also helped me breathe somewhat.

My ready meals had cluttered the room, so you can imagine the horror I was experiencing between my anxiety and the guilt that I wasn't eating.

Some friends of mine have brought up concerns about my mental health too, which I totally understand.

Talking about being a God, as well as both having a system and speaking of trauma that I only experienced from a specific perspective can make it seem like I'm crying wolf - and that there may be less going on than I think. Which could be true, but I highly doubt it.

All in all, really, I just want to get better.

Leaving the house entirely is the first step, and probably the hardest out of all of them.

Bailey sits with me in the cinema room in the nemeton, phone in hand. We've ordered pizza for tonight.

My treat.

Thanks.

Do you think I may have been hazed?

She shakes her head.

Thing is, there's always the probability, but you have the muscle memory. Even if you didn't remember it, I'd have every reason to think you experienced what you said you have.

If you're worried, we can always read for it.

I nod, and pull out one of my tarot decks, along with my rune pouch.

Alright then.

Shaking the rune bag, I ask if what I experienced was real, and rummage through the bag, hearing 'Sowulo' in my mind before said rune comes up in my hand, the shape of a lightning bolt - my creed. 

Sowulo represents the Sun, lightning, success and power. Somehow, it feels affirmative.

That's a yes. But I'll ask the tarot to make sure.

So I do. I shuffle the cards, asking for confirmation. No sooner than I do, does The Sun card fall from the deck. Bailey raises an eyebrow.

Well, I suppose that answers your question.

I frown.

If the tarot says that it's true, then it probably is. In which case, I wonder if everything else I've seen is true?

Why don't you ask?

I nod, and repeat the question, to which the Nine of Pentacles falls out.

That's a yes too, though a more grounded yes.

I nod.

Usually I wouldn't use tarot for this, but...

I trail off, and Bailey turns me to face her, gently but firmly gripping my shoulders.

You're a Time God, Lin. Almost everything you experience is the truth, and has therefore, happened. Doubting your reality is something that a lot of abusers have made you do because they're terrified of your power. 

Now some friends may genuinely mean well, in which case, ok, understandable. But you need to be grounded in your understanding of the truth first and foremost. That means knowing when and when not to listen to people who have less knowledge on your situation than you do.

Allow yourself that truth. Alright?

I nod, my heart swelling with love for this amazing, confident cousin of mine.

Thank you.

She smiles.

Of course!

A banging comes from outside the nemeton, and Bailey shoots from her seat, quickly gathering up our order, whilst I shut the nemeton door, so she can set everything down.

More Doctor Who?

Yes!

She grins.

Awesome.