203 - A God, Wanting

Lin

Yesterday was difficult.

I had severe symptoms of both my eating disorder and anxiety, which made me very clingy to my caseworkers.

Sure, it wasn't dignified, but at least it's understandable.

The new manager of the LGBTQIA+ service is really nice as well, so there's that.

Unusually, today has actually been fairly bearable.

Despite my fears, my feelings have been far less difficult - perhaps it's because I've accepted that, on some level, I will get help - just not now.

Honestly, I just want to be loved.

Most people would want that - but I think that Gods feel this especially keenly, given our standing.

Rain splashes on the roof and windows of the nemeton, and I allow that sound to grant me solace.

Wind, rain, lightning, thunder - it all takes me back to my family. It takes me home.

And I want to go home.

You will.

Ruffling my hair, the person attached to that voice takes a seat alongside me.

Pothos...

One of the Erotes, and my cousin. Though...

Don't you normally refuse to travel alone?

Usually, he'd at least have Himeros or Anteros with him, but I don't sense either of them here right now.

This is not a sexual nor a romantic matter, so I'll be consulting with more appropriate people, like Hestia, Hera and Philotes, to deal with this.

He sighs.

Besides, I have power beyond being an Erote. Though I'm sure you already know that.

I nod.

Of course.

From what I remember, Pothos has been the Greek God of Desire from day one - and that's a powerful position to have in any pantheon, as all prayers go through you. 

Whilst it's true that the Litai are the ones to initially take prayers, it is Pothos who examines the desires of said prayers and those who made them in order to best serve them. 

Most people have forgotten this.

I remember - and I ask that if you can, please take me home.

He nods.

I'll do what I can.

Going through my bags of takeout, I grab a small paper bag, and hand it to him.

For your contribution.

He places his hand in the bag, and when he reveals the chocolate brioche, his composure turns into full on beaming.

You know me too well, Tavi.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

299 - A God, Busy

Lin My day was far busier than I expected. A phone call with my MIND advocate and a call with a caseworker from the housing association, as well as two visits from the police have definitely taken it out of me. Frankly, I'm surprised at my own tenacity. But also very, very tired.
Read more

292 - A God, Releasing

Lin There's a certain joy in letting things go. And through writing a song not too long ago, I feel that somehow, I can let go of bin boy. Releasing the level of anger and therefore attention I've been giving him may well set me free as well. I realised that last year, his sabotaging of my ability to get my forms for university done was a cult attempt to keep me in Highgate, which, because of my anger, I had failed to notice until now. But now, he's someone else's problem. And as Khonshu said, my reign, and my rise, have only just begun. So what's the use in paying attention to something, someone even, that is so insignificant that he's barely a blip in the seasons of my life? I know what I deserve, and I deserve far better than someone like him in my life. Not to mention that not only did our system stand up for ourselves against him, that we won. And whilst that often hasn't felt like enough, because we've wanted to see him fixed, to be forced to chang...
Read more

186 - A God, Eloquent

Lin Today has been an advent of unimaginable pain. Currently I am awaiting the second ambulance I've needed this week. I've been left to go alone yet again, so I ended up calling social services. Last time I got dismissed when I definitely should not have been. Honestly, I aim to stay overnight this time. Mainly because then it's more likely that I can get straight onto treatment, but also it means that I can worry about my way home in the morning, as opposed to during the late hours. From what I can see, A&E have decided to put me in the clinical decision ward. Which means that they don't know whether to prioritise my back and abdominal pain, or my mental health. The ambulance crew gave me paracetamol, but my body still feels a certain sense of discomfort. All of my time here thus far has been full of what sounds like angry, shouting male patients. It's kind of funny to think about. Luckily for me, yet again, I have my seal plushie with me to keep me company. E...
Read more