228 - A God, Knowing

Lin

So in the end, we did not go to the museum.

We woke up late, and my body was not about to deal with a thirty minute Tube ride.

Are we even surprised, at this point?

It's not like we haven't been avoiding travelling, despite enjoying it, due to serious anxiety around it.

This anxiety isn't truly mine, or ours - so I need to get to the bottom of it in my own way.

One of my friends once told me that I had balls of steel - it's about time I showed it again, not for the approval of others, but for myself, and our system.

Music is becoming easier to listen to, though.

By some miraculous stroke of luck, we managed to listen to the entirety of Melanie Martinez's new album in one sitting, and it's brilliant.

Honestly, I'm grateful to have a system, so that I can know whether or not I'm ready for some things.

Especially when said things may make me uncomfortable - one of the songs on the album had some sound effects that made me feel a bit tetchy, but I coped with it very well.

Despite not being able to go out today, somehow, I'm in a fairly good mood.

Changing my subliminal playlist slightly has helped, I think.

Yet I am still struggling with food.

Luckily, eating disorder services contacted me today, so hopefully I should get some help with treatment soon.

I curl up in Terrence's lap, smiling. We're still at Belenos', but we did stop by a stal-krampoezh (crêperie) for food and milkshakes. This particular place had an apple pie milkshake, so I had to get it.

Enjoying yourself?

Terrence runs his hands through my hair, and I take another sip of my milkshake, before cuddling up closer to him.

Ya!

He smiles, letting his hands run from my hair down to my back, where they stay.

So, we got the thalassaemia diagnosis for you, which is good.

Apparently my red blood cells are the same shape as my birthmark, but because the genetic markers for it are significantly different to something like, say, sickle cell anaemia, it's easy to tell the difference with the right kinds of testing.

Belenos is still sorting out my prescription, I think.

Thalassaemia is a fairly rare genetic disorder, so it's no surprise that diagnosing it and getting meds for it isn't exactly simple. Not to mention the need for blood transfusions every so often, and medicine to ensure that my iron levels don't rise to dangerous levels.

I'm sure he won't be long.

Is there anywhere you want to go tomorrow?

For a minute, I think.

The Fine Arts Museum in Brest.

I'd like to see more art from my country, and given that we were unable to go to the museum today.

Sounds good. I'll see what's there - you may have some healing to do.

I nod, snuggling into Terrence's chest.

Brav.

Do you think we'll be ok on Friday?

Terrence nods, hugging me slightly tighter.

I think so. And I believe in you.

Atav.

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