242 - A God, Detached

Lin

All of today was pretty much silent.

Given how things seemed to be moving on Monday, I think the sheer amount of patience I'm having to tap into is amazing.

However, I believe I can do it.

Especially given that tomorrow is a big day for me.

Perhaps decisions will finally be made on my behalf.

The very idea that I may get out of here soon sends excitement rippling through every fibre of my being.

Frankly, I know I deserve this.

Since all the horror that has befallen me in my life, I deserve to feel safe and loved wherever I go.

My withdrawal symptoms have also been relatively minimal.

It's interesting how bad my symptoms were when first taking sertraline, in comparison to how bad they are getting off them.

Based on my body's response, that medication probably wasn't right for me.

Really, my GP should not have been giving me a medication that would make me further stimulated to try and calm me down, and I think both my body and brain knew that.

Knowing what I know about neurodivergence as well, it's entirely possible that I may need either rediagnosing or just further screening.

Clouds of thought swirl in my head surrounding the idea of whether or not that diagnosis was mine or not, given the situation I believe I experienced.

Lending credence to my memory, it's entirely possible that the child diagnosed at that time was, in fact, not me.

Which would make other diagnostic tests necessary.

Until my godly awakening, I rarely entertained such thoughts, aside from with some friends - amd even then, they weren't quite as vivid as they are now.

Verifying all of this will take time - and the fact that I was and am majorly traumatised either way will have to be put into consideration.

Just as I'm thinking this, Artio presents me with a pack of brand new tarot cards.

Perhaps we can put that theory to the test?

I grin.

You know me too well, Auntie.

Myself, Artio and Cathy sit on Artio's living room floor as I shuffle the cards, getting into a state of receptivity.

Are the memories I'm seeing rooted in physical reality?

A card falls from the deck. The Hierophant.

That's a definite yes.

It's more than a yes. It's saying 'this can be trusted.'

If so, then how can I gain evidence on the physical plane of what happened to me?

Almost as soon as I ask this, yet another card falls out. The Page of Cups.

Why do I feel like this is asking me to wait?

Usually, the Page of Cups doesn't outright speak of waiting, but for some reason, I can't help but feel like that's what I'm being told to do - to work on myself first, perhaps.

Maybe you should ask more about waiting. After all, it was the first intuitive hit you had.

Cathy has a point. Intuitive messages don't turn up without reason.

Mat eo din, I will.

What am I waiting for?

Shuffling the cards, I feel one slip through my fingers, landing on the cream rug in front of me. 

The Lovers.

It could relate to a decision, but for some reason, I feel like it relates to a couple, a union of some kind, in this instance. In which case, I have two options here.

Am I waiting for Terrence or my parents?

Artio and Cathy exchange looks curiously. I don't recall ever having mentioned Terrence in my readings, mainly because I wanted to give him his free will. Yet I feel that it's appropriate to ask.

Deliberating over this, I'm cut off by another card falling out.

The Sun.

What the heck does-?

It means Terrence. Gast, it means I have to wait for Terrence.

Both Artio and Cathy smile at me, and I feel my face flush what is probably a deep shade of ruby.

Looks like someone needs to find their husband on the physical.

I smirk, shaking my head.

It seems that way, doesn't it?

I do have another question, though.

Why?

Two cards immediately pop out of the deck upon my question - the Queen of Cups and the Three of Cups. Artio enunciates exactly what I'm thinking.

That probably means you'll meet the rest of us once you meet Terrence.

Given the situation, and how spiritual safety would work for both of us right about now, especially with us being married both on and off Sim, the need for us to find each other again in order for me to confirm the truth makes so much sense. We'd be in a much better position to expose world and his bullshit, as well as his cronies, if we're together. I have no doubt that world abused Terrence in this life as well, so he'll probably want recompense for that, too.

I'll be there.

Terrence has his arms around me from behind.

Well that explains you guys trying not to look suspicious.

The room erupts with laughter from all four of us, and Terrence hugs me slightly tighter.

Once you're done, do you want to spend some time alone?

I beam - I can't help it.

Sur, ma kared.

He leaves a peck on my cheek, and I giggle.

See you in a bit, lovely. Oh, and...

Before letting go, he gently murmurs into my neck.

I will find you.