245 - A God, Regaining

Lin

Parts of today, for me, have been rather anxiety inducing.

Hearing people cough that sound a lot like bin boy (aka an asthmatic ostrich) definitely contributed somewhat to my agitation.

Frankly, I just want to move on and live in peace.

Somehow, I feel like once I move, everything in my life will improve.

Maybe it's just that I need to improve my life enough to seem capable of moving out.

Though I'm unsure of if it's just that. 

Either way, I need a more positive outlook on myself and my life.

Belief in myself is massively important, especially right now.

Given how I've been coping over these past few days, though, I'd say that I'm on a road to massive improvement.

Regardless of what comes my way, I will regain my footing - and my confidence. 

A semblance of serenity would be wonderful, as well.

I'd especially like that for my thoughts, and to avoid being overwhelmed with how much I want to do.

Not to mention my emotions, especially my anxiety, overloading me so much that doing things seems nigh impossible.

Currently, I write this daily blog out of a combination of sheer willpower, spite and the joy of sharing everything going on with me - but even this sometimes takes its toll on me, and I wish it didn't.

With that being said, I am definitely happier than I have been for a while.

Definitely healthier, too.

Quietly, Terrence pulls me into his lap. I can tell he's concerned about me, given my more physical symptoms of withdrawal from my anxiety meds. Mentally, I would say, I've actually improved, aside from the anxiety I get every time someone sounds like bin boy, or I hear aggressive shouting. 

I've got you.

I nod, snuggling into his embrace. I've been afraid for a long time, and again, I want to put it to bed.

Trugarez. 

Can we talk?

He tilts his head curiously.

Sur, lovely. What do you want to talk about?

I pause, considering how I want to phrase everything.

I think my fear around Ali and the way in which he has treated me has been compounded fear surrounding similar treatment from the voldys.

Now, I know you know about this - but somehow, I get the sense that on a spiritual level, his abuse was similar to the voldys, especially mrs voldy. 

I'm not sure what kinds of techniques they used on me, but I want to find out - because I think, given that I know that Ali has spoken to mrs voldy in order to try and gather shit against me, as well as to know what to use in order to abuse me, including claiming my trauma as his own, as well as projecting his own actions onto me, which mrs voldy was also very good at - that I should have some semblance of knowledge of what actually happened on the spiritual in order to get better.

Terrence nods.

That's probably the best way of approaching it - because that way, you don't approach them directly energetically, but you can also use the energy that's rooted in anger and fear to focus on finding out the truth of the matter, as opposed to obsessing over them. Which means a new chapter for you, because it will end, and proper punishment for them.

Do you get the sense that Ali was somehow mrs voldy's apprentice? Because I do.

Channelling, especially in times like these, always comes in handy.

You know, given that starry pants was also connected to mrs voldy, and starry pants vouched for you allowing bin boy to stay in your kitchen despite your obvious discomfort, it would not surprise me that Ali somehow also had a close connection to the voldys in some way. Scheming bastards.

Of course! They must have been using each other as chains to siphon energy off me - and Gerry was only involved due to his own abusive, neglectful past. I never sensed bad vibes from him on his own - but the company he has been known to keep has raised questions for me.

This whole time, this has been a chain that I needed to break. 

And it started with me reporting starry pants, then standing up to Ali. Which got me psychically attacked, but in the long run, if what I've done has somehow broken a chain in regards to abusers having control over me spiritually, then I'm all for breaking every single link until the whole thing collapses.

Or, at least for now, breaking the links that are attached to me.

I need a red candle.

Black candles aren't the only candles that can cut cords.

What will you do?

I smirk.

I'm going to burn them all.

For fertiliser. 

For a new life.