257 - A God, Loves

Lin

As I stand in the faery bath, I smile.

I'm feeling a lot stronger than I was, though I get sleepy very easily.

Yesterday's cleansing was very painful.

Frankly, it still is, but having Terrence around is helping.

Just as I'm saying this, he's gently yet firmly massaging my scalp.

Despite me throwing up multiple gross things, having to birth rats out of genitalia that technically aren't even mine and just overall needing help with cleaning myself up, he still loves me - and even finds me attractive.

Though I know what he'll say to that.

M'amoûr, that is the bare minimum.

Besides, you healing makes you far more attractive - not that you weren't in the first place - because you're happier.

My face grows red at this observation, but I can't help but smile. 

This God loves you.

His hands turn me to face him, running his hands from my scalp down to the small of my back as I'm pushed forward.

And I love this God right back.

It's strange to me - the affection makes my heart feel warm, in spite of the coolness of the water we're bathing in.

This is the second day I've needed to use the bath, yet there's no judgement about it, nor anger, whether it be about how long I need to use it for, or how many flowers I feel are necessary.

Trugarez. For making my needs feel valid.

Taking my face in his hands, he sighs.

As I said, lovely, bare minimum.

This time, he holds me for a long time, as he helps lustrate me of all the horrible programming that's been festering in me - and weirdly, I enjoy the light spreading through me, soothing parts of me that were in agony or discomfort. 

The whole thing is so intimate, parts of it I dare not share, as they feel private. Sacred.

As the intimacy becomes more apparent, we're left alone, and I smile.

All to ourselves.

He grins.

Just us.

At this point, I think it's fairly obvious what's on our minds. And as the kisses become more passionate, I can't help but ruminate on how lucky I am for everyone I have now, for everything I have.

But especially my husband.

Karout a ran ac'hanout, ma heol.

Ma loar...

He holds me, just for a minute, and it feels like he's cleaning away the cobwebs that disguised me as a human, that disguised me as a woman, that disguised me as anything else but a God.

That disguised me as anything else but me, his wife.

The brunette henna that cursed my hair has washed away, to reveal the true blond my locks have always been, and the grey mist that once plagued and blurred my vision has turned indigo. The moon has found its place back on my face, a strawberry crescent on my left cheek.

This was all you, lovely. I want everyone to see you the way I do.

I want you to promise me that you won't hide any more.

That we won't.

When he looks at me like that, there's no question of what my answer will be.

I promise.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

51 - A God, Reaching

Lin  Yesterday I had a panic attack almost as bad as the one I had at UC about a month ago. When they come up, it's crippling. I always knew that my panic attacks came from the concern of how much physical energy I would have to do a certain thing, and whether or not I'd end up being vulnerable in a public place. Again, it was always mrs voldy who said I was vulnerable, when in truth, I am about as vulnerable as anybody else who is white and femme presenting. Which is, to an extent, vulnerable, but not the sort that I was being led to believe. And anyone without the proper support they need is vulnerable to an extent. My limbs and head ache with the tension that I was doing my best to avoid. My kidney isn't particularly happy, either. I'll bet you anything that if the doctors ever get a look at my kidney, they'll find a laceration where I was stabbed. It's not subtle. They'll see it. And then the voldys will be in serious trouble. I had to speak to another c
Read more

266 - A God, Green

Lin I visited Greenwich today. After the reclaiming last night, it only felt right. What I found there is still something I'm processing. Let's just say that the people of Greenwich remember me, and venerate me. They've built a statue of me near the Millennium Sundial, marking the entrance to a huge nemeton that spans from there across Greenwich Park, to the Cornish Rebellion Memorial. Knowing that the people and spirits of the area remember me and love me brings tears to my eyes, even now. Somehow, I managed to do what I set out to in the first place - take back the meridian that's mine. Frankly, I thought I'd have to wage all out war to get it back - and I'm so grateful that I figured out a quicker, more peaceful way of liberating Greenwich. Currently, I'm back at the first nemeton, helping Arthur with his maps. My new nemetona have now been marked on the map, and some of mine and others' older ones are also being dug up by the timeline enchantment I p
Read more

300 - A God, Shedding

Lin Over the past few weeks, my energy has felt really low, both physically and mentally. But especially mentally. Physically, it's started to become worse, particularly after switching between distance reiki healers I use on YouTube. Yet something tells me that with this change, I'm shedding energy, like an old skin - just like I would in my Gorgon form, shedding snake skin from my hair every now and again . As they like to say... "Out with the old, in with the new." Take today, for example, when some people came over to clear up the house's greenery, which was long overgrown - that had to be pruned in order to make way for the new. I'm considering asking my caseworker about the kinds of flowers we could put in our garden - though they would need maintenance.
Read more