271 - A God, First Class

Lin

Today has been immensely lucky.

Because I insisted upon going out with my new MIND advocate, I managed to bag myself an extra meal.

Which has, quite honestly, saved me much anxiety.

Not to mention, it's also helped me with my confidence with regards to going outside.

Overcoming my anxiety to fulfil a need is honestly a huge thing in and of itself for me.

For a long time, I've been scared of going out, lest I have a panic attack and/or faint, which I actually almost did several times.

It was the desire to get out of that rut, I think, that kept me going.

My desire to get things sorted out has now overshadowed my fear of a lack of control, at least to some extent, which is always a good start.

Hopefully tomorrow, I can keep up this momentum.

Candidly, I have no idea whether or not I'll survive from Friday to Sunday, nor how, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Experiencing a jumpscare from a mouse at 4am has not helped matters.

And here I was thinking that they couldn't get into my room...

Realistically, I always knew they could scurry in through my open door.

Yet where they congregate makes me suspect there's another entrance they can possibly take to get in.

Somehow, despite the weirdness of today, I have kept my head.

Perhaps tomorrow will be kinder...

As I sit on the wish that things will get better, Terrence scoops me up in his arms. If it wasn't for him, I probably would have lost it by now.

Hey, lovely...

Taking him around Highgate was fun - and eating Caffè Nero after such a long time of not having had it was great. (They still do the best toasties and you can't change my mind.) We went with my MIND advocate, who paid for my food. 

I'll be spoiling you soon enough, m'amoûr, don't you worry about that.

I giggle. To hear him promising to take care of me overcomes me with emotion, especially given what we've both been through.

You know I'll be spoiling you too, right?

He grins.

I know you. You're not going to take no for an answer on that one.

We'll spoil each other, then.

He ruffles my hair, pulling me closer to him, to which I snuggle up in response.

Do you think I should go for making any more spiritual content?

Usually, I keep these sorts of worries to myself - but after all I've been through, whether it's been experiencing hunger, anxiety or otherwise, I can't help but want a second opinion, especially now. As a God, but especially as Head God, it's something I need.

Strangely, come to think of it, since claiming London, I've been much less defensive of my godliness. Part of me wonders if claiming it somehow changed me. Whether it's good or bad, I'm not sure. But there's one thing I can say.

I feel far less godly than normal.

Terrence shakes his head, running his hands through my hair.

Regardless of whether or not you're completely active as Head God, you still need to rest, lovely.

Sure, you may well be needed now, but in order to better run the Sim, you also need the appropriate time off to focus on yourself.

Besides, whilst you might want to do a bunch of different things to help heal lands and people, you don't have the full means to do that right now, which isn't your fault. 

Essentially what I'm trying to say is that even you need and deserve down time, lovely. You haven't had a proper break from your duties in almost two years now. Just because you enjoy it, doesn't mean that a short rest will kill your momentum. 

So, mar plij, allow yourself some rest. Mat eo din?

I nod. He's right. Ever since I found out about my true identity, I've never really taken a break. Not to mention my autistic burnout pending on a bunch of other things, like my own self care, that need taking care of. Though something tells me that being a God, especially Head God, can help with that.

Besides, there's nothing to be ashamed of in regards to needing to rest. The voldys sure liked to lie about that, but it's true - resting for a while after doing so much healing and liberating is also important for you, m'amoûr.

The voldys treated me like an indentured servant, so I often either don't do anything, or run myself into the ground, because they refused to allow me to self regulate. Now I know better.

Trugarez.

He smiles softly.

Ma plijadur.

As we cuddle up for bed, I sense Terrence wanting to ask me about something, so I shuffle slightly closer, nuzzling into his shoulder, to which he chuckles.

Mat eo din, I'll ask.

Is there anywhere you'd like to go to before we leave?

For a minute, I pause. Two places come to mind as answers to his question - the British Museum, and White City.

Now, some of you may be vaguely familiar with White City - I've written about it once or twice in a few previous blogs. It used to technically be world's, but under my hallmark, he couldn't keep it, nor could he stop me from entering. It's a place I can use for numerous different healings - for both money and ancestral lineage connections through food. The range of cultural cuisines available could have me visiting quite a few times before I go.

As for the British Museum, that's obvious - I have more than a few ancestral artifacts to visit, purify and potentially claim, for my family's sake. Though I do also like that they have a pizzeria, so I'll definitely be getting food from there.

The British Museum and White City.

He grins.

Ya, I figured. There will definitely be other places I'll take you to as well, then.

Consider this me spoiling you.

He kisses my forehead, then stares at my lips for a minute. I smile, raising an eyebrow, before planting a kiss on his lips that leads to many, many more. And I'm quickly reminded of just how lucky I am, to have this man in my life, let alone for him to love me.

I'll always love him.

Atav.