78 - A God, Anew

Lin

Last night I suffered one of the worst panic attacks in my life.

I had hot flushes and shaking, and it was horrible.

I ended up having to call the on call number for the housing association because I was in so much distress that I couldn't do it alone.

I almost had to call an ambulance because of how bad it was, but then the operator reminded me that some of the NHS were on strike, so I decided that it probably wouldn't be worth the stress of waiting three hours just for an ambulance to turn up.

I have eaten some snacks now, including the last piece of my Yule log, so hopefully that'll get me through.

I had to have my only packet of crisps from my Bokksu, which I usually would only save for an emergency. But given the circumstances, I didn't really have a choice.

I am changing this mindset that I have of lack.

I've had enough.

From now on, everything works out for me.

And I will continue to say this to myself until I no longer exist.

I'm in a much better mood now than I was earlier.

I watched a few Law of Attraction videos, and it reminded me of back when I was severely depressed in secondary school. 

Those teachings saved my life, and I'm going to put them into use again.

All I need to do is to ensure that this is a habit, just like me writing the blog is.

I can do it, because everything works out for me.

As I write this, I see 18:18 on the clock.

I've been seeing quite a few repeating numbers recently, particularly 777.

It's interesting at what lengths spirit guides and other beings will go to in order to get your attention.

I think both the system and those outside of it seem to understand that I've needed a pick me up, and are willing to give it to me.

I managed to finally brew myself a pot of the chinese version of ramen.

Because I did that stuff with the Law of Attraction, I managed to calm down enough to be able to go into the kitchen and make myself something.

Another win for the books.

Sure, I'll allow myself the expression of pain when there's a need for it, but I won't let myself fall into despair and anxiety that I felt up until today ever again.

And yes, I will use past tense, because I promised myself I am never going back there, and I will honour that promise.

I will help you keep that promise.

I make a round about turn on heel to face a figure dressed in an ivory peplos, golden sandals on her feet and curly strawberry blonde hair.

Pistis!

Hi. :)

You guys probably won't know her unless you're a Greek mythology nerd, but Pistis is the Goddess of good faith, trust, honesty and camaraderie among groups of people. Most of her work has been based within the social and religious departments in the Greek sector, though she does branch out elsewhere at times because of the nature of her job. It does seem that she's been at a loss for work for a while, though.

At least, until now.

You're looking good! What brings you here?

I want to help you keep your faith.

She hands me a scroll.

Keep it safe, and don't open it until I leave. You're doing me a favour by keeping it.

These are-

The blueprint scrolls.

I stare at her incredulously.

Shit, we really are building up a case, aren't we?

She nods.

We have to. I found them in maybury's old desk.

Slowly, I bring myself into sitting on one of the plush chairs I got for movie nights with guests in the nemeton, and let out a breath.

Fucking hell, these aren't just rickmansworth's plans, are they?

She shakes her head.

These are from when I helped make the Sim.

Yes.

She sighs, rubbing her temples with the heels of her hands.

Now that Aletheia has cleaned the truth pool, it'll be much easier to do my job, but whatever's in that scroll is stuff now, as de facto leader, you need to manage.

She's right. I should have had these the moment the form was signed, but it can't be helped if no one knew where they were.

I'll have to pore over these, with a few people. Probably including Athena.

Yes. I have no doubt about that.

This feels more like you doing me two favours.

Nah. We're feeding two birds with one tortilla.

You're doing part of both mine and Aletheia's jobs by taking that. It'll probably be a large part of your workload for a while.

Fair point.

I want to help you get back into your prime in return for you. So where I can, I want to reestablish trust, faith and community for you.

So I promise to help you in any way I can, whenever need be.

Do you swear on Styx?

I swear.

She didn't hesitate.

You just swore on her. You know what happens if you break that promise.

Which is why I won't break it. 

Have faith, Litavis Dethmonias. I am here for a reason.

She ruffles my hair.

Take care of yourself, Tavi. I'll send some trustworthy people your way soon.

Thank you. You take care of yourself, too.

Her presence fades, and I turn my attention to the scroll.

It looks like I have some reading to do.