85 - A God, Opulent

Lin

I've realised today just how much of my life has been full of fear.

It's insane how one experience after the other can change you into what feels like jelly.

Come to think of it, that's what voldy jnr used to call me.

She called me jelly, because she wanted me to shake. She wanted me to be afraid.

I'm manifesting happier times now.

To me, it's interesting, because I've always found that whenever something big is coming up for me, there's almost nothing really going on in my life.

If I apply this to my life now...

Something huge is going to happen.

I can feel and sense it now. My anxiety has gone down significantly, too, and I don't feel like I'm living life like an overtaught rubber band.

I know that I'll be ok, and I am ok now. In fact, I'm great! And that's the beauty of it.

I've been using a lot of the Law Of Attraction stuff I used before to help me get away from the voldys, but now I've left for a long time, I'm sure it's going to work quicker.

Today I also feel a lot safer than I did before, which is a huge bonus.

Besides having to light a candle last night in order to sleep, my prospects with regards to changing my life and my mindset feel very good.

I know what I need, and I've been following it very thoroughly within my own means. I'm excited for what's to come, honestly, and I look forward to sharing it with more people as I go along.

And you will.

I turn, and hovering in front of me, in a beacon of golden light, floats Rhiannon. Welsh Goddess of Horses, sovereignity, sorcery, motherhood and truth. And most personal of all, she is one of my soul parts.

Well. It's been a long time.

Too long.

She holds my hands in her own, tracing over the lines and abrasions on my hands, reaching up to the scar on my left index finger where voldy jnr cut me, and going beyond.

My, you really have been through the wars.

She looks sad for a minute, and I respond to brighten the atmosphere somewhat.

What can I say? I have a penchant for danger.

She rolls her eyes, but she's smirking now, so it worked.

I'm going to stay here now, I think.

I stare at her in surprise.

Whatever for?

The last thing you need right now is to be alone, and whilst Mannanán has done a brilliant job of taking care of you, he can't do that all on his own.

Besides, you and I both know that you've physically isolated yourself, and I'm very good at helping with that kind of thing. 

After all of her experiences, including with both exile and slavery, it makes sense. It's close to home for me, too, and she knew how to get Pwyll to see her, as well as the rest of his kinsfolk. If we can do the same for me, that would help us both, probably in more ways than we know.

I'll need to work on my self care skills.

Yes, you will. But having people around to make it feel like there's more to live for always helps, right?

And... I just got slapped in the face with the realisation that my lack of self care has been partly because it felt like no one cared about me, so it didn't matter.

I'll get you out of it.

She smiles and waltzes off into the kitchen, returning with a steaming white dish in her hands.

Fish pie?

I smile.

Ie, os gwelwch yn dda.