109 - A God, Kindling

Lin

As per most days, today has, so far, been uneventful.

I did have a really good serving of paella today, though.

Today and tomorrow are Brigid's days of honour, so I want to ensure that I honour her properly.

From what I know, she's coming to visit today and potentially tomorrow as well, so I want to ensure that she's comfortable, and that I know what I ought to know about her. It's been a while.

So I just did a reading with some of my guides about what I should do next in my godly mission.

And literally everything has pointed to me taking a rest.

When I say everything, I mean everything.

My issue with this is that I grew up with the voldys calling me lazy if I wasn't being active, despite my need to occasionally sit around and do literally nothing.

Ya, I know that the voldys were and are full of shit.

But those beliefs they instilled into me still follow me around like a black cloud of bats. It's rather unpleasant.

As I talk about this, I sense someone wrapping my throw around me, followed by my hair being ruffled.

Hey, kiddo.

Hey Aonghus. Is your aunt here yet?

She's about to be.

I nod, snuggling into the throw. He frowns.

How long have ye been like this?

A while.

Mannanán walks in, nodding to Aonghus and myself in greeting.

This kid isn't great at being a spiritual patient. Physical and mental, they can do, but spiritual, they're kinda shite at. Not that I blame ye, Lin. Shitty experiences precede shitty coping mechanisms and skills. It ain't yer fault.

He turns to Aonghus, and gestures to me.

They need more than me, Danú, Rhiannon and Arianrhod combined. I think that's enough to tell ye that something's seriously wrong.

Aonghus nods.

Well, today and tomorrow is going to be a large gathering, as the first days of Spring, so I'm sure that more than a few people will be helping.

He turns to me.

Today isn't just about Brigid - it's also about those who she cares about, her family, as well as those who have helped keep her alive. That's all of us, including you. I daresay especially you. You needing us to help is no sweat off our backs, so don't overthink it. Aye?

I nod cautiously.

Mat eo din.

Aonghus ruffles my hair again.

You're allowed affection without a price, ye know.

With that, he leaves the cinema room.

Did ye just get read, by any chance?

Sweeney strolls in, shaking his head. His smirk is evident behind the hand resting over his face.

I got read for fucking filth.

He cackles.

Not what ye were expecting?

It was out of pocket!

He holds his sides for a second as he wheezes.

It certainly was not.

I sigh, but I'm grinning too.

He was right, though.

Sweeney composes himself and nods.

Aye. You've built a rather large wall around yeself, haven't ye lad?

For a minute, I glance away. 

I have been rather avoidant of most social interactions since my epiphany of being a God. Now though, it has become even worse than just me avoiding my neighbours. I'm afraid of being open with anyone. Even this, in the nemeton, is relatively controlled - though it's the first time I've had this many visitors, this much family, coming to stay with me at once. 

My social experiences of staying with groups of people was limited by the voldys before I left, and the only other experience I can relate this to is when I stayed at an LGBTQIA+ shelter in Christmas 2019. That doesn't scrape, let alone touch the magnitude of what I'm experiencing now.

Ya, I suppose I have.

When I look back at him, I notice that his expression has softened.

Remember the last time? There's always a pickaxe to undo that kind of shit.

He ruffles my hair.

Rest fer now. You'll need it.

He picks up Erebus, who willingly nestles into my lap as he sets him down.

Go raibh maith agat.

Sweeney nods, and takes his leave. As he does, Erebus snuggles into my chest, and I smile, stroking his fur.

I'm not alone. And that's all I need to know.